


More than just a little pansy cake!

by TrueDemon



Category: Divergent - All Media Types
Genre: Chaptered, F/M, Mild Blood, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2018-09-07 23:36:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 23,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8820799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrueDemon/pseuds/TrueDemon
Summary: Alice Saundry, a young girl from Amity, dreams of living a life full of adventures, plot twists and change ... or does she? The Aptitude test will forever change her life. What will become of her? Will she embrace the change or crumble under the stressful environment? All she knows is that a pair of sharp eyes is set her way. Is there more behind it than just curiosity?





	1. Chapter 1

“Alice!“ I heard the voice of my father and peeked through the branches of the tree I was sitting on. “Up here! What do you need?” I asked jumping down with a bunch of apples in my apron. “I need your help with building the barn.” He said and I cocked my eyebrows. “I thought Joey would help you?” I asked whilst walking back with him. “He wanted to. But he went off with Katy.” He sighed, shaking his head. “As long as he’s happy.” He smiled and I did too. “At least I get to work together with you.” I laughed and excused myself shortly. “Mom! I brought apples!” She sat in the living room, reading a story to my little brother. “Oh thank you darling. Do you want to hear a story?” she asked but I shook my head. “I need to help dad, after Joey vanished.” I giggled and went back outside, where my father stood.   
Gathering the last few branches in the woods, two arms suddenly surrounded me. “Aliii!” The high pitched voice of my friend Sarah yelled and I nearly dropped the branches. “God Sarah you scared me.” I laughed and sat the wood down to embrace my friend. “Are you coming this evening? We have a big celebration because of the Aptitude Test tomorrow.” She beamed, ever the happy one. >Right tomorrow.< The uneasy feeling from the last few weeks came back. “So. You coming?” she snapped her hand in front of my eyes and I jerked back. “Sure. I just need to get this wood back to the barn.” I told her and she looked down onto the many branches piled onto each other. “How can you even pick them up. They look so heavy?” she seemed stunned and tried to grip one of the thicker branches. “Look it’s as big as my thigh!” she exclaimed and smoothed down her skirt to demonstrate the thickness of the branch. “Well … I always helped my father with building so I always had to carry around heavy planks.” I mumbled and she shrugged. “See you this evening. Psst Roy will be there too.” She giggled and poked me in the ribs. My cheeks grew warm and I looked to the ground. “Be quiet.” I laughed and she did too. “Oh come on you are such a lovely couple!” she cried and I shushed her. “Could you be any louder?” I whispered panicking. “But it’s true!” she whisper-yelled and I grinned. “Yeah probably.” I knew it was easier to just give in, so I just shut up and agreed with her. “Anyways, I need to get those back. See you later.” I mumbled, hugged her goodbye and yelled “Go with happiness” after she ran off.  
“Alice there you are!” Sarah yelled over the music and jumped around my neck. “I told you I’d come.” I laughed and hugged back.” I snickered and she dragged me to a group of teenagers, all the same age as me and Sarah. “Guys Alice finally came!” she yelled and everyone hugged me. “Nice to see you guys.” I greeted them and felt arms coming around my waist from behind. “Hey there.” Roy’s voice rumbled in his chest and I felt my cheeks growing warmer and warmer. “Hey Roy.” I sheepishly mumbled and he sat down next to me, our legs touching. “And are you exited for tomorrow?” he asked, his never fading smile on his lips. “Nervous, but happy to finally choose my faction.” I answered and a wild discussion broke loose. “I’ll probably get Amity as my test result. I love it here. I won’t transfer.” Some said and that same feeling from earlier that day came back. >What will I choose? Am I going back to Amity? Will I try living a honest life in Candor? Study all day like an Erudite or live selflessly in Abnegation?< My thoughts wandered from one faction to the other. >Or I’ll follow in the footsteps of my big brother Brad … with choosing Dauntless. The warrior faction.Ok probably not Candor.<  
A few hours later we helped with cleaning and walked back to our homes. Tomorrow was after all a very important day. Roy insisted on walking me back home, not that I minded, his presence was comforting. “Thank you for walking me home.” I said, as we stood in front of my home. “No problem.” His smile was addictive and I felt the corners of my mouth lift up. “You’re beautiful when you smile. You know that?” he whispers and tucked a stand of hair behind my ear, before he leaned in and kissed me. Just a small peck on the lips. His skin felt smooth with a few rough patches where I imagine a beard is starting to grow. “Good night. Go with happiness.” With a hug and a kiss on my forehead he vanished. I couldn’t do anything except for staring in the direction he went, an incredulous smile on my face. “Go with happiness.” I whispered to no one and went inside.   
Back in my room I shed my flowing dress and looked at my reflection in the mirror. My blond hair flowed down my back, well exceeding my breasts. I saw my muscles move under my skin and thought back on all those times I used to help my father. >What will happen if I go? Will they go on without me. Managing their life just like they used to once Brad left.< sighing I washed my face in the sink, just to again stare at myself in the mirror. Sparkling green eyes look back at me and freckles adorned my nose and cheeks. “How much am I going to change?” I mumbled and pulled my nightgown on. “That depends on the faction you choose.” The voice of my father made me jump and I turned around. “Dad you scared me.” I laughed and he gave me a hug. “What should I do?” I mumbled in his chest and he chuckled. “Choose what you think for yourself to be true. How could you find peace in a faction you don’t belong in?” he asked and I looked up to him. “Now go sleep. The next two days are very important for your life.” He gave me a kiss on my forehead and I went to bed.  
As soon as our lessons were over, Sarah pulled me to a circle of Amity girls, playing a few games on the cafeteria floor. Probably to calm their nerves. Once I was out and sat in the middle, I took a good look around the room. Erudites sat on one table, everyone involved in a fierce discussion about learning and, what I understood, about jokes. I shook my head thinking >I could never learn this much. I’d probably just say ‘I’m not interested’ and ignore my task. That is if I’d find the courage to go against my upbringing.Would I fit in with them?< I wondered and heard the door opening. The next names are called out. Two of each faction and I was amongst them. The other Amity girls wish me fun and good luck, but all I wanted to do was run away and hide myself.   
I felt my hands shivering as I walked into the room with the number 8. A man from Abnegation greets me with his name and I just smiled at him, not trusting my voice to form any words. “Please sit down and make yourself comfortable. We’ll start with the simulation shortly.” His voice was calming, yet the mirrors made me feel uneasy. Seeing me from every angle made me realise how unusual I looked in Amity clothing. Gathering my courage I sat on the reclined chair and the man handed me a vial containing some liquid. “I’ll just adjust these electrodes to see how your simulation goes. Then you can start the Simulation with drinking the liquid.” He explained and, like he said, put the electrodes on my temple. Taking a deep breath I swallowed the liquid and laid my head against the headrest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yey, finally posted my first fanfiction :D  
> Sorry for any mistakes (English is my second language)  
> I hope you liked my story and I promise more is to come :P


	2. Chapter 2

When I opened my eyes again I found myself in an empty room. In front of me stood two baskets, one containing a knife and the other containing a big hunk of cheese. “Choose!” a voice says behind me. I don’t even turn, all I can do is stare at the two options. “Choose!” the voice yelled and an uneasy feeling spread from my stomach. Out of instinct I grabbed the knife and the two baskets vanished. “What am I supposed to do?” I asked and turned around, to see who was behind me. But no one was there. Confused I looked around gripping the handle of the knife, feeling some kind of assurance in the heaviness of it. A sudden bark let me turn around to a vicious looking dog. It stalked me like I’m its prey. >Don’t show it you’re afraid!< An inner voice told me and I squared my shoulders to look bigger. I looked down on the knife in my hand and back to the dog. >If I don’t get it to stop I have to attack It.< I thought whilst the dog crept closer. “What am I supposed to do!” It was frustrating. Rolling my shoulders I tried to think of a solution and remembered the dogs back home. “I could try and muzzle it. Better than doing nothing.” I mumbled to myself and cut a few big strips off of my skirt. With one I bound the knife to my leg and made myself ready for the attack. Not even a second later the dog charged at me. I dodged its teeth in the last seconds and tried to grab its neck. The force made me lose my footing and I crashed onto the ground, the dog still fighting in my arm. Without thinking I wrapped my feet around the wriggling dog and rolled it under me. Whilst I sat on its back that it couldn’t move anymore I pushed its snout onto the ground. “There we go.” I muttered whilst binding the strip of fabric around the dog’s muzzle.  
“You ain’t so bad after all.” I mumbled as it started whimpering beneath me. It looked completely different without it flashing its teeth at me and growling threateningly. “You promise to not bite when I take the muzzle off?” I asked the dog and it rolled onto its back. Laughing I took the strip of fabric and used it as a collar around its neck. “Why weren’t you this cute from the start?” I whispered, as suddenly a little girl appeared in front of me and the dog. “Puppy!” she yelled and began running at us. I was immediately alarmed and felt the dog slip out of my hands. Desperately grabbing its collar I hold it back. “Stop!” I yelled at the little girl and she stopped yet the dog didn’t. I again sat onto the dogs back and pulled the knife from my leg. Seeing no other solution I pressed it against the dog’s throat. “Are you hurting the dog?” the little girl asked once the dog started whimpering and whining in protest. “No. We’re just playing.” I answered, fully knowing that was a lie, especially once I felt something warm on my hands. >I do this to protect the little girl!< I thought, remembering myself why it was necessary to remain focused. “What is this red stuff on your hands?” the girl asked and I looked down. It seems that I’ve nicked the dog because there was a little blood on my hands. “Paint. Now go home.” I ordered and everything vanished.

I gulped a large amount of air in, once I came back from the simulation. Looking down on my hands only to see that there’s no blood or knife. >What have I done.< I thought and looked at the man from Abnegation. “Welcome back. How are you feeling?” he asked and I wiped my hands on my skirt. “I-I’m f-fine.” I lied and tried to get my breathing under control. “W-what is my result?” I’m not even sure if I wanted to know. “Alice your test result is Dauntless.” He told me and I felt a big lump in my stomach. >Dauntless? I can’t … or can I?< Remembering the Simulation and how easy it was for me to get the dog under my control I started to doubt myself. “I’ll just log your result in. You can go back to the others now.” He told me and I left the room.  
Back with the others I sat down next to Roy at one of the tables. “Hey there.” He whispers and gave me a quick kiss. “Hey.” I was still shocked by my result. “You look shaken are you ok?” he asked and I looked at him. His lips were pulled up in a reassuring smile. One that told me ‘Don’t worry everything will be alright’, and I felt myself calming down. “Better now.” I answered truthfully and his smile widened, his arm squeezing me into his side. But another feeling started to arise in the back of my head. >What if his result is Amity.< I wondered and looked down on my hands. Why won’t that feeling of guilt go away? “So what was your result that it got you so shaken up?” Roy suddenly asked and I started to panic, franticly searching for an acceptable answer. “You know we’re not supposed to talk about it.” I laughed and poked his side. “Oh come on. I won’t tell anyone.” He laughed but I shook my head. “No I won’t tell you! Besides it doesn’t mean I have to choose this faction.” Or am I? It frightened me to know, that I don’t even know myself enough to answer this question.

After thinking the whole night about what I’m going to do, I followed the Amity group to the elevator. “You look tired.” Roy mentioned next to me and I leaned against him. “Little bit.” I mumbled and heard him chuckle. “Don’t worry. The energy will come back once your name is called out.” He told me and I nodded absentmindedly. When we exited the elevator we went into an enormous, circular room. Some factions already sat down and I trudged back towards my assigned place between the 16 year olds. I stood next to my brother Joey and someone from Candor. My mother kisses my cheek, not being able to form any words, it was after all a very emotional day. My father pulled me into a tight hug whispering “Remember. Choose where you think you’ll be happy.”. He kissed my forehead whispering “Watching you smile makes me realize how beautiful my life is. I love you.”, before pulling away and hugging my brother. I lay a hand above my hammering heart and my gaze followed my parents, how they disappeared in the crowd of Amity members. Marcus started his speech, but I blanked his voice out. Whilst he was talking I looked over the present factions. Once I came to the Dauntless I looked out for my bigger brother, seeing him smiling and waving at me. I managed a small wave but had to clamp my hands together to stop the shivering.  
Once the names were called out I felt myself growing more and more nervous, but impatient at the same time. I don’t want to think about my choice anymore. I just wanted to walk up to those bowls and drip my blood into one of them. Sighing I shifted my weight from one leg to the other. “Jonnathan Saundry.” My brother got called out and I watched how he accepted the knife, cut his hand and dripped it into the Amity bowl. >He goes back home.< I thought and watched as he returned to a group of Amity initiates. “Alice Saundry.” Hearing my name being called, made me feel like this is very much real. For all this time I waited I had hoped to wake up back home, for my mother to wake me with a hearty smile and for my father to laugh at my sleepiness. With legs like jelly, a heart that beats so strong that I can feel it throughout my body and a feeling of wanting to vomit, I took my courage together and stepped up to those big metal bowls. I accepted the knife, it felt strangely reassuring. With one last look towards my smiling parents and a fleeting look towards my brother, giving me the thumbs up, I made my decision. Slashing my hand I held it out before me, the fire of the Dauntless bowl warming my palm and stinging the wound. I only hear the sizzle of my blood dripping on the coals and the distant cheers of the Dauntless. My legs bring me to my new place amongst the Dauntless initiates, but my mind feels empty. >Did I do the right thing?< I looked towards my parents. My mother seemed to have shed some tears, but I looked with astonishment up to my father’s smile. >Did he know?< I wondered and I couldn’t hold back a smile on my own. >He knew.<  
I look around me. Most males are bigger than me, but the girls were around my size. I still feel so small all of a sudden. A transfer from Erudite stood next to me her brown wavy Hair cascading down her shoulders. “I can’t wait to know what the compound looks like.” She said to me and looked at me with a bright grin, her green eyes gleaming with pleasant anticipation. “I really don’t want to know what initiation is. I’m Alice Saundry.” I answered, also grinning. “Elli Crown.” She answered and held her hand before her. >Right other customs.< I thought and shook hands with her. It was weird not to hug her, but that would probably be strange for her. “Roy Beal.” My attention shifted from the girl next to me towards the middle of the room, where Roy stood. I could barely see him, because of the height of some initiates in front of me, yet I could see how he slashed his hand and held it out in front of him. “Dauntless.” Sounded the voice of Marcus and I let a breath out, I didn’t know I was holding. “You know him?” Elli asked next to me and I nodded absentmindedly. “He’s my boyfriend.” I answered and she grinned at me. “Cute.” Although I was more than happy that Roy choose Dauntless, I couldn’t shake the feeling of worry off. >What if he chose because of me? Was this what he wants?< I couldn’t help but wonder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter jey  
> Also thanks to my best friend for her OC Elli :D (luv ya XD)


	3. Chapter 3

Once everyone chose we began to leave the room, the Dauntless were the first to leave. Without another glance I turn to follow the initiates and members. “Off to our new lives!” Elli cheered next to me and the group started to run down the stairs, jumping, cheering and not caring that someone could get hurt. A smile spread on my face once we left the building and ran through the streets. I felt like a kid again, chasing my friends without a worry in my head. The Dauntless block the way of busses and everyone seemed to be exited. In the distance I could hear the horn of the train and I remembered how the Dauntless get around. Once we turn a corner I saw the open doors of the train and the members started to jump on, as well as the initiates that are used to doing it by now. “They really want us to jump on.” Elli huffed and I nodded breathlessly. “Well let’s do this.” A confident smirk turns one corner of my mouth up and I started to sprint next to the train. With all the force I could muster I jumped on one of the treads outside the train and hold on to the handle. “Come on! Just do it!” I yelled to Elli and gripped her arm once she jumped into the open door. My arms and legs burned from being suddenly used in such a way. Yet I remained outside the train to help the others get in. A nearly fatal mistake I didn’t realize until the train sped up, the airstream threatening to rip me from the side of the train, hadn’t Elli pulled me inside. “Oh my god!” I laughed hysterically, my heart feeling as if it wants to jump out of my chest. “You’re crazy.” Elli laughed and I felt arms around me. “God Alice don’t scare me like that!” Roy sounded worried and I squeezed him, trying to not only clam his but also my nerves. “Everything worked out didn’t it?” I laughed and gave him a quick kiss. “You two are sickly adorable.” Elli laughed and I stuck my tongue out. “Look away then.” I laughed and sat next to her. It felt as if I’d known her for all my life.  
“They’re jumping off!” someone yelled and I looked out of the open door to see the members leaving the moving train. Discussions if we’re meant to jump too arose and I looked back, only to see another Amity transfer, I think he was called Bill, his cheeks wet with tears. “I’d rather be factionless than dead.” He cried and I went to him. “Come we can do this. I’ll show you ok?” He nodded and I turned to the open door. “Alice?” Roy didn’t seem amused once I started sprinting towards the open door. “ALICE!” with his yell I leapt out of the wagon. The jump felt as if it was in slow-motion and as I looked down towards the gap between the tracks and the building, I only now realized how big the jump really is. Was it stupidity that let me jump, or was this feeling the real virtue of a Dauntless. Overcoming ones fear, acting with bravery despite being scared. Once my feet connected with the roof I rolled over my shoulder to lessen my momentum. All those countless times I jumped of off a tree and tried to cushion my fall came to my mind.  
The rush of adrenaline lessened and I could hear the other initiates jumping of the moving train. “You really are crazy!” Elli yelled once she stood next to me, all we could do was laugh. “Wait. Where’s Bill?” I asked and Roy came up next to me. His arms scraped and his hands shaking violently. “He didn’t jump.” He huffed and I looked down, just now realizing that my shins are scratched open. “Hey it’s not your fault.” Elli said, her clothes were torn and once I looked at her I was jealous of her pants. An ear piercing scream echoed over the roof and I looked towards its source. “Rita!” a dauntless-born girl wailed and some tried to get her away from the edge, some ran towards her, but I didn’t move an inch. I knew for sure she just lost someone special to her. I started to feel bad for my lack of sympathy and the thought of me changing already sent a fearful shock through my body.  
“Now listen up!” A new deeper voice spread over the roof and I turned around, away from the wailing girl, to see a young man with short brown hair standing on the edge of the roof. “My name is Eric. I’m one of your leaders!” We gather around him. I couldn’t help but look him over. He was tall, towering over us all. Maybe it was the ledge he was standing on, but he definitely emitted a powerful aura. He was definitely someone you didn’t want on your bad side or you’re going to have a really bad time. Tattoos decorated his lower arm and neck and various piercings glinted in the light of the setting sun. His eyes land on me and I felt so small under his penetrating glare. “So who’s first?” he asked. I don’t know what he just said but I heard a Candor saying “We just jumped, they want us to jump again?”. Now I understood, his gaze was challenging. >Fine!< I thought and wanted to step forward, but a hand hold me back. “You’re not jumping again!” Roy growled into my ear and I wanted to protest, until I heard a “Me” from the Abnegation transfer. Eric furrowed his brow and looked towards the girl in grey. Without another word he jumped on the gravel of the roof and motioned for her to go forward. I couldn’t shake the feeling that Eric wasn’t happy with Roy holding me back. The girl climbed onto the ledge, seemingly intimidated by the jump before her. “Today initiate.” Eric grew impatient. She glanced one last time down, before she jumped. Her gasp was the only sound heard. My stomach turns in anticipation, as I run forward to look down the hole. Eric stood next to me, seeing if it’s clear for the next one to jump down. “Next?” he turns to the group, his eyes once again landing on me. “What about you pansy cake?” The nickname let me furrow my brow. “Fine.” I sneered and climbed up. I looked down the hole and a dumb thought crossed my mind. >Should I? Fuck it!< I thought and turned around. “Are you too scared? Amity?” A Candor boy yelled out. Grinning I flipped him off, before falling backwards into the hole. The wind threw my hair all around me. The feeling of the adrenalin in my system made my skin tingle and I could see the curious heads of the initiates. It felt amazing. I felt at home.  
I landed on a net and was thrown a few feet back into the air. Once I laid still in the net I saw a few hands reaching out towards me and I grab one. “Today seems to be full of surprises.” A man muttered. “What’s your name Amity?” he asked and I tried to find my voice. “Alice!” I answered and he nodded, yelling my name over his shoulder. “Wait a sec. You’re the lil sis of Brad ain’t ‘ya?” someone asked and I nodded. “This is going to be interesting.” I heard a female mumble and walked towards the girl from Abnegation. “First jumper huh?” I asked and she nodded. “I’m Alice. Nice to meet you.” I say, restraining myself from greeting her physically. “Tris.” She answered and I grinned. “That was fun, wasn’t it?” I asked and she laughed a little, a scream interrupting my focus. “Yeah.” She panted.  
“That was awesome how did you find the courage to do a back flip?” Elli jumped all around me and I clawed at the back of my neck. “I-I don’t know. But the ‘pansy cake’ just made me mad I suppose.” I answered, as we followed our instructor Four down the hall. I looked to Roy out of the corner of my eye. His lips were a straight line, no trace of his usual smile to be seen. >Is he ok?< I wondered and just as I wanted to ask him the group stopped. While Four told us about the Pit I eyed Roy. He seemed completely different from how he acted back in Amity, but what could be the matter? Was it because I jumped even though he didn’t want me to? Is he unhappy with his choice? The group began to move again. “I wasn’t listening. Could you give me a quick recap?” I whispered to Elli. “The Pit is the centre of the compound. You can do and buy everything here.” She answered and I thanked her.   
We walked into the next room. Clinking of glasses, silverware and the chitchat of dozens of Dauntless members reached my ears. Once we were in the room everyone present started to cheer, clap, stamp or otherwise make noise. It felt incredible to be welcomed in such a manner. My eyes roamed the different tables and I spotted a few empty seats next to my brother. I turned towards Elli and Roy, his smile finally back on his face. “Come!” I told Elli, grabbed Roy’s hand and walked over to Brad. “Who have we here. If it isn’t my big brother!” I said once I stood behind him. Brad turned and a big grin spread across his face. “Hey there little one!” he laughed and hugged me. “Hey Brad. This is Elli and I’m sure you remember Roy don’t you?” I asked and felt Roy’s arm around my waist, Roy greeting him with a short “Hey there.”. “Sure, you two were inseparable. I see he finally confessed.” Brad flashed us a shit eating grin. “Shut up.” I laughed and he held a hand above his heart. “That’s not very Amity of you to say this.” He answered and we sat next to him. “Still I’m proud you chose to come here! How are Mom and Dad?” he asked, his voice low. “They’re good. Mom was sad I left but … Dad seemed little short of proud.” I answered, voice equally quiet. “Anyway we’re Dauntless now. Anything we should look out for?” I asked and both Roy and Elli seemed interested too. “There are going to be rankings. Try to be as high up as you can.” He answered and I nodded. “Now I’ll show you something!” he told me and put something on my plate. “It’s a Hamburger. Two buns, sauces and meat! Go on taste it!” he laughed and I took a bite. The flavour surrounding my tongue. “Oh my god this is amazing.” I mumbled and took another bite. >How could I’ve ever endured the non meat meals in Amity?< I wondered.  
After the meal we followed Eric through some corridors, Roy’s arm secure around my shoulder. “I wonder where we’re going.” Elli whispered next to me. “The butchery probably.” I joked and we suppressed a laugh, Roy rolled his eyes instead, but even he couldn’t stop a grin from forming. “This is where you’ll sleep from now on!” Eric stated and we looked inside the room. “The boys or the girls?” A boy in Erudite-clothes asked. “Both!” Eric declared and I sighed. “Training starts at eight o’clock until six with a lunch break. After six you’re allowed to do whatever you want.” The group of initiates was astonishingly quiet. “You’re only allowed to leave the compound with a member accompanying you. In the first stage of initiation we train the Dauntless-born and the transfers separately, but you all will get ranked together, in the end the rankings decide what job you’re going to do, as there are only a few desirable positions, but they also decide who gets cut!” “Cut?” a girl asked and Eric nodded. “At the end of each stage the lowest ranking initiates are going to be cut.” “And what are we going to do then?” the same Erudite from before asked. “Well your parents won’t take you back so I suppose you’ll live factionless. Anyways only the top ten initiates will be made members.” Everyone froze. >That’s why Brad warned me.< I thought, curios what rank my brother had been. Roy’s grip on my shoulders tightened, he seemed scared. A girl from Candor complained but it was short lived, as Eric made the position of the Dauntless painfully clear. “You chose us. Now we have to choose you.” His eyes set on me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First time Eric appeared XD   
> And he seemed to have a very watchful eye on little Alice ;P


	4. Chapter 4

Not long after we went to sleep we were woken up to get changed. Dauntless had provided us clothes, so we changed into them. “Finally some pants.” I laughed and Elli grinned tired. “Follow me!” Four lead us towards the shooting range and handed everyone a gun, before explaining the different stages of initiation. Once Four handed me the gun I was wide awake, every feeling of tiredness leaving my body. One of the initiates, Peter, provokes Four enough for him to hold Peter’s gut to his head. I bit my lip to disguise my satisfied smile. I know Peter for a day, yet he managed that I hate his guts. >Am I going to lose every part of Amity inside me? Was I even Amity to begin with?< Sighing I looked down onto the gun in my hands. I’ve obviously never held a real gun in my hands, but I’ve seen the Dauntless run around with bigger ones than those Four gave us. He demonstrated how to shoot properly and told us to start shooting, so I turned towards the targets. When my brother transferred to Dauntless I used to watch them as long as I could. Once I even saw one shooting his gun. I held the gun out in front of me. I took aim with the bump and the notch on top of the gun. The Dauntless I watched shooting hold their guns against their shoulder, I don’t know why but according to the flexing of Fours arm muscles I’ll have to keep the gun under control. After exhaling I pulled the trigger. The sound rang through the range, and my arm muscles started to protest. “Looks like we have a natural.” Four mumbled behind me and I looked at the target. Bull’s-eye. “Lucky shot.” Peter huffed. “Well done.” Roy said next to me and kissed my cheek. I glanced at his target. He hit one of the outer rings. “You’re not all that bad yourself.” I answered and got back to shooting. Although my second shot wasn’t nearly as good as the first one, neither was the third or fourth. Frustrated I took my time aiming and again shot a nearly perfect shot.   
After hours of holding up the gun and emptying endless rounds onto the targets, we got a small lunch break. Elli, Roy and I were way too tired to do anything but eat, before it goes on with the next training round. A chalk board stood against one of the walls, all our names listed on it. Four leads us into a separated hall. Punching-bags, gym equipment and a big circle in the middle of the wooden floor fill the room. He demonstrated us a few punches and different kicks. I tried to memorise them, but they looked easier than they’ll be. Sighing I turned towards the punching bag. Lightly pushing against it, to feel the weight. It was heavy, but not as heavy as some of the planks I used to carry around. “Oh does the Amity want to hug the bag?” Peter sneered beside me and I look towards him. “I was just checking if it’s not too heavy for you. Wouldn’t want you to cry like a child, when it wouldn’t move.” I answered, surprised by myself. “Look at you. Sassing around. Are you sure you were ever Amity?” Elli asked grinning and I laughed, positioning myself to mirror Fours body >Were I ever amity?< the question floated in my mind, but I shook my mind to try and focus. Frowning, when my arms won’t function as they should. >Screw this I’m trying something else.< I thought and put both fists up to my head. Once I felt safe with my stance I started to throw punches into the punching bag. With every hit I landed, the chains rattled against each other, turning my knuckles a red colour and slowly starting to peel the skin. >No wonder my father always told me to wear gloves while working.< I thought and gripped the bag to drive my knee into the firm surface. “Damn that hurts.” I hissed out but kept going, my hands could need the rest. The kicks were harder to pull through. “Keep your guard up initiate!” Fours sudden voice shocked me and I put my arms up. “Try rotating your hip with your kick! You’ll create more force. Also use your shin not your ankle.” I nodded and shifted slightly, so that I could turn my lower body better. I hit the bag with my shin and a burning sensation shot through my leg. “Let’s have more of the same!” he said and went to Elli. >I’m going to die.<  
“So we’re going to fight each other tomorrow?” Elli wondered and we sat down at one of the tables to eat our dinner. “Seems that way. I’ve no Idea what they expect us to do. I’m honest my whole body hurts, how are we supposed to fight tomorrow?” I sighed and winced, trying to lift my cup to my mouth. “Maybe by throwing cotton instead of punches.” She laughed and I leaned against Roy. “What do you think? Is anyone of us going to be able to move a muscle?” I joked and he looked at me, a tired smile gracing his features. “I don’t want to think about it. I wouldn’t like to fight.” He answered and I sighed. “Well we did choose Dauntless.” I mumbled, but heard no response from Roy. I wanted to ask him what’s up, when Elli suddenly shook my arm. “Elli!” I shriek, trying to pry my arm free from her death grip. “Sorry.” She mumbled letting go, before yelling “Let’s get a tattoo or a piercing!”. Grinning I nodded. “Why not both?” I answered and high fived her. “You coming too?” I asked Roy, but he shook his head. “I think I’ll go to bed. I don’t feel too good.” He answered and my face fell. “Are you alright?” I was worried , but he just kissed me and left while mumbling “Don’t worry about me.”.  
“What’s wrong with Roy? He seemed way happier during choosing ceremony.” Elli wondered while we wandered through the tattoo parlour. “I don’t know. But he changed ever since we left Amity.” I mumbled and sighed. “Maybe I should go to him. See how he is.” I wanted to turn around, but Elli held me back. “Give him some time. Not everyone copes with the transfer as well as you.” She mentioned and I sighed. “You’re probably right.” I turned back to look at the tattoo sketches and she beamed at me “I know!”.   
After explaining my idea to the artist, he asked me where I wanted it. After a short period of thinking I pulled my shirt over my head. “On the shoulder, slightly coming towards my collarbone!” I told him and he nodded, getting to work. “That’s a pretty big one you chose for your first tattoo.” He mumbled and I bit my lip. “Well. Go big or go home.” I answered and he chuckled. “I see you’ll fit perfectly with us Dauntless.”  
After the artist finished my tattoo I looked at it in a mirror. “Wow.” Nothing else came over my lips. A big tree surrounded my upper arm and shoulder. The tree trunk coiled around itself and the crown was widespread and reached from my collarbone all around my shoulder. The roots reach over my elbow and end around the middle of my lower arm. “Why a tree?” I heard Elli ask and I grinned. “Well. You should never forget your roots, but to achieve what you wish for you need to grow high and spread your branches.” I answered and she laughed. “Oh so poetic. Now I know why all artists can be found in Amity.” Her grin was huge. “Look at mine!” she giggled and reached her right arm out for me to see. Her tattoo was the image of a burning book, a few stray sides flowing away with singed corners. It looked like water surrounded the blazing fire like a protective shield. The flames and the water seemingly unbroken. It looked powerful, yet flowing and easy going, using up almost all of her upper arm. “That looks amazing.” I answered, tracing the flames. “Well flames for Dauntless, water for Erudite.” Her answer made me laugh out loud. “But I’m the poet.” Looking at the clock my face fell. “God look at the time. We’re so screwed tomorrow if we don’t go to bed now!” I hissed and Elli nodded. “Fuck.”


	5. Chapter 5

Yawning we stood in the gym. We had just finished our laps, while Eric wrote our names in different orders. “As said yesterday, today we start with the fights!” Eric declared and stood next to the board. “How long will we fight?” Will asked and I looked worried towards Elli. “Until one of you can’t continue.” He answered and Four stepped up, stating “Or one of you concedes.”. Eric’s smirk sent a shiver down my spine. “According to the old rules. In the new rules no one concedes!” he declared. “What? I don’t want to fight.” Roy whispered and I sighed. “It seems you have no other option.” I uttered, giving him a kiss on his cheek. “You can do this. I believe in you.” I mumbled, and he snorted. “Right.” He sneered, an angry frown on his face. I furrowed my brow, but before I could ask him about his reaction, the first fight was called out. Will fought against Al. Elli and I stood next to the fighting ring, observing the fight. “Are you also making mental notes?” I whispered and she nodded. “You’ll be ranked for your fights so make them count!” Eric’s voice sounded from one side of the ring and my shoulders slumped. “Now more than ever.” She groaned. Both males circled each other, both holding up their guard. “Do you think this is a leisure activity? Should we break for naptime? Fight each other!” Eric shouts, seemingly pissed. “Is there one time where something is fast enough for him?” Elli remarks. “Yeah the same time he’s not pissed.” I added, holding back a laugh. Both turn to each other, throwing a little insulting joke, before Al throws a punch towards Will. “Al’s slow. But his broad shoulders indicate he’s strong.” I note and Elli nodded adding “Will is fast, but his punches and kicks are weaker. But Al loses his guard as soon as he goes in for a hit.”. Nodding I saw what she meant. His arms went down, before he charged Will, gripping his Arm and punching him square in the jaw. Will collapsing like a pile of laundry. “That was to be expected.” I sighed and watched how Four circled Al’s name. “Let’s make a deal. For every fight we win we get a piercing?” I joked and Elli grinned. “Every fight I win, one piercing on my right ear. Every time I loose, one on the left.” She answered and I grinned. “Good. Every fight I loose, a piercing on my left ear. Every fight I win, my right eyebrow!” I grinned and Elli holds up her hands. “Watch out we have a badass here.” She laughed. “Next up – Molly and Christina!” I looked towards the ring. Both were rather big, but Molly was way sturdier than Christina. “What do you think. Cristina or that butch?” “Sadly I have to say Molly. She’s probably way more used, considering the whole group looks like they could break you by looking your way.” She mumbled and I nodded, squinting my eyes to look at the names on the board. “You couldn’t keep your mouth closed now could you? Look who we’re up against.” I growled. “Drew and Peter. For fucks sake.” She huffed and we went back to watching the fight. Early on got Christina a good kick in on Molly. “That was a mistake.” I mumbled shaking my head, watching as Molly tackled Christina to the ground, punching her like there’s no tomorrow.   
Until Christina begged for mercy.”So you’ve got enough?” Eric’s voice was calm. >Oh no.< I thought, already feeling nervous for Christina. “Well then. Get up and follow me! He said, pulling her to her feet and pushing her towards the exit. “Come everyone!” Even though his voice sounded calm, I could hear the malicious intent in his words. “What do you think he’s up to?” Elli asked and I shrugged my shoulder. “Nothing good for sure.” Silently we followed the group, the sound of roaring water getting louder the longer we walked. “Where are we going?” Ellis question was soon answered, once the group came to a halt. Eric said something, but I couldn’t quite understand him. “What’s going on?” I whispered towards Elli, she only nodded in the direction of the chasm. I see how Christina climbs over it and hangs herself onto the railing.   
The time seemed to go gruesomely slow. But once the water started to spray against the walls of the chasm and onto Christina, making her cry out and sob uncontrollably, adrenalin started to flow through my body. I wanted to help, but according to Eric’s hard look, that would be the last thing I’d want to do. Al and Tris started to cheer her on and I tried to push my way through. “You can do it!” I yelled, clapping with Al. Even though Eric looks at me with ferocity in his eyes, making me feel like he’s going to hang me beside her, I just go on. The unspoken message of ‘I’m not scared of you!’ hanging in the air between us. “Time!” Without thinking I sprint towards Christina, lean over the railing and pull her with Al’s help back on solid ground. Her whole body shivered and she felt freezing. I pulled my jacket from my shoulders and wrapped it around her. “T-thank you.” She sobbed and Will, Al and Tris led her away. “We’ll go on after lunch break!” Eric hissed, pushing through the stunned initiates.  
“I didn’t expect him to react like that.” I mentioned, once Elli Roy and me sat on an empty table. “I thought he’d just shout at her. Pushing her to the bottom of the ranks, but not her certain doom.” Elli answered, Roy remained silent. “Hey guys. Is here still free?” We turned to see Tris, Christina, Will and Al. “Sure take a seat. How are you?” I asked once, Christina sat opposite to me. “Better now. I knew Eric was a sadistic ass, but holy shit. That takes the crown.” She said and I shook my head. “Something didn’t go quite right with him.” I joked, making everyone laugh except for Roy, who fixated me with an angry look. “Do you want to end up like her? Hanging from the chasm? Then go on joke about our leader!” He growled and I furrowed my brow. “What’s wrong with you. Can’t you understand a joke anymore?” I asked, making him jump up and go away. “What’s wrong with Roy?” Elli asked and I sighed. “I fear he’s scared of adapting. I don’t know why else he’d react like this.” I mumbled and went back to eating my lunch. “Oh yeah. Thanks for your jacket! It was really warm.” Christina took my mind off Roy’s behaviour. “So. Who’ll fight after lunch?” Will asked and I tapped my chin. “I’ll fight with Drew. Elli with Peter.” I recited. “Oh Roy will fight Myra and Edward with some boy from Erudite. I didn’t catch his name, but I think it’s Ben.” Elli interjected and all four looked at us sympathetically. “You’ll have to fight Peter?” Christina asked “And you Drew?” Tris added and we nodded. “Yeah. Not the best for our first fight but hey let’s make it count.” I answered and bit into my burger. “You’re an Amity how can you be so … aggressive?” Will asked and I smirked. “Well I’m not Amity anymore. I’m Dauntless now. And I won’t let some jerk get the best of me.” I answered, after swallowing. “Pansy cake! Drew! In the ring.” Eric’s voice boomed through the cafeteria and I groaned at my nickname. “I’ll fricking kill him.” I hissed, standing up. >When did I learn to swear like this?< I wondered, biting my lower lip.  
I stood opposite to Drew, his face contorted into an ugly frown. Eric gave the start sign and Drew charged at me, but I easily dodged his attack. “Don’t dance around him. Fight him!” Eric hissed from the sidelines and I looked at my enemy. His torso seems to be pure muscle, no chance I’ll get a hit in. His shoulders are hunched, making his stance look smaller and lowering his guard. >That’s it. If I distract him I can attack his head!< I thought and rushed forward, trying to kick his legs, but before I could get to him, he grabbed me by my hair, yanking me backwards and throwing me with a punch to my face on the floor. My scalp burns and blood seems to be running down a cut on my forehead, making me grip my head. I tried to get up, but he got hold of my leg, throwing me over his shoulder and again onto the ground. My head began to ring, still I stood up and got my guard up. Smirking Drew reached back to punch me. >Now or never!< I thought, dodging him again, but this time I gripped his arm, dragging him with me and making him loose his balance. Without thinking I pulled my elbow up, hitting him square in his temple. He stumbled, holding his head. Determined I ran at him, kicking my knee in his stomach and both my elbows in the back of his head. Drew collapsed beneath me and I looked towards Eric. Seeing him with a wicked grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uuuh Alice's first fight :D   
> I was so exited writing this XD


	6. Chapter 6

“Get him out of here! Next up Peter and Elli!” Eric yelled. “Finish him!” I laughed, high fiveing Elli on my way out of the ring. “You did it!” Christina stood next to me, an incredulous look on her face. “Yeah, but my head hurts.” I huffed. “Alice are you ok?” Roy’s voice made me turn towards him. “Yeah I’m fine.” I grinned and he gripped my head. “You’re bleeding!” he hissed, making me roll my eyes. “You’re overreacting.” I mumbled, kissing him. He put an arm around my waist and I leaned into his chest. Elli is smaller than Peter, but I know she’s fast. I eye Peter. His arms seem muscular, as well as every part of his body and his fighting stance leaves no real open spots. “I hope Elli is ok.” Tris mumbled, as we watched how Peter punched her in the stomach. “Come on Elli get his throat. That’s his only weak spot.” I whispered gripping Roy’s hand on my hip. Once Elli looked at me I pointed towards my throat. Voicing a silent ‘Throat’. She nodded, getting away from Peters grip and holding herself at slight distance. I bit my lip. I felt horrible for making a mental note, but I noticed that Elli’s guard was too high up, showcasing her stomach freely. Once Peter threw a new punch at Elli, instead of stepping away, she stepped up to him, getting to close for him to punch her, but far enough for her to get a good punch to his Adam’s apple. Peter stumbled back, choking due to Elli’s hit. “Go on hit him!” I couldn’t look as an angry Peter punched Elli in one hit unconscious. “Get her to the infirmary. Next one up Roy and Myra!” I ran to Elli pulling her up by her arm. “Oh Elli. You’re lucky you’re unconscious, cause your fricking heavy.” I mumbled, trying to calm my own nerves.   
“Where am I?” Once Elli woke up I jumped away from the chair I sat in. “Finally you’re awake. How are you?” I asked, concern lacing my features. “I’m fine.” She groaned, before starting to laugh slightly. “Well that’ll be one for my left ear.” She laughed, I just stared at her with open mouth, before starting to laugh as well. “You’re unbelievable.” I mumbled and stood up. “Hey nurse I feel fine. I’m going!” Elli yelled sitting up, but the scandalised nurse ushered her to lie back down. “I’ll see you later. Eric’ll have my head if I don’t go back.” I sighed and waved her.   
“How is she?” Christina asked once I’m back in the gym. “Ah she’ll live. How’s Roy doing?” I responded, making her sigh. “I appreciate your peaceful crap. But he refuses to hit her. I mean look at her, her guard is worse than mine and he’s like two heads taller than her!” she whispered defeated and I shake my head. “He’ll get cut if he’s going on like that.” She mumbled and I pinched the bridge of my nose. >I don’t think he had Dauntless as his test result. But why did he chose it?< Dread washed over me, making my blood run cold. >Because of me?<

“Man I thought the nurse would never let me go! Can you believe it? I tried to explain her that nothing happened, that my blood pressure and heartbeat were normal and that I had no side effects of nausea or something, but no she wouldn’t have anything.” Elli ranted next to me on our way through the narrow corridors of Dauntless. I suddenly feel the need to laugh. “What are you laughing about?” she snaps, making me laugh harder. “Watch out. Your Erudite is showing.” I answered between laughs. “Don’t look at me like that! You look so funny when you’re upset.” She hit my shoulder, grinning herself. “Have you anything planned after dinner?” she asked me and I nodded. “My brother takes me out of the compound. Knowing how hard the change is on an Amity-transfer.” I answered and she nodded. “Well have fun. I’m going to sleep. No way in Dauntless I’m going to do anything anymore.” She growled and I quirked an eyebrow. “Isn’t the saying no way in hell?” I asked. “Exactly.”  
I was sooner finished with dinner than expected. “What am I going to do for an hour?” I mumbled wandering around in the pit, before walking by the barber. My hands went unconsciously up to my hair, gripping one of my pigtails. The fight with Drew flashed before my eyes and my scalp began to burn again. Anger coursed through my veins, so I pushed the door open. >Don’t let me regret my decision.<  
Open mouthed I stared at my reflection. My hair, once long and bright blond, is now short and pitch black with vibrant red tips. The sides of my head are now a buzz cut, as well as an undercut. Only one stand of long hair hangs down the left side of my face, stopping at my jaw line. “It’s amazing.” I gasp, grinning up to my stylist. “Thank you.” Grinning I ran outside, making my way towards my brothers Apartment.   
With furrowed brows I walked through the dimly lit hallways. >Where the fuck is my brothers apartment?< I wondered, reading the door numbers. “Hey you!” Eric’s voice behind me rooted me in place. “What are you doing here snooping around?” I felt his hand on my shoulder, turning me towards him. “I’m not snooping around!” I growled, looking into Eric’s shocked eyes. “Pansy cake. What happened to your hair?” he asked amused, grinning and making the holes of his piercings stretch wide. “Got in the way. So I cut it. Why, you don’t like it?” I asked, boredly playing with my fingernails. Before Eric could answer I felt arms on my shoulders. “I nearly didn’t recognize ‘ya Alice.” I grinned at the sound of my brother’s voice, maybe even because of the tensing of Eric’s jaw. “Oh hello Eric … OH am I interrupting anything?” my brother pulled away, standing next to me. “No! We were just … chatting. What do you need from her?” There was a slightly different twist to Eric’s voice, then when he asked me before. >Is he defensive? Of ME?< My head spun. “Well I did promise to take my sister out of the compound, so I came to fetch her.” Brad answered. Eric’s muscles relaxed and I tried desperately to suppress a snicker. “Okay. Go on then, but I won’t go easy on you tomorrow, just because you stayed up for too long.” He growled, leaving my brother and me in the dim hallway. Once Eric was out of sight I felt my heart racing. It was hammering against my ribcage and making my stomach flip. “Let’s get away from here.” My brother proposed, pulling me with him. All I could do was nod.  
“How’s it going?” Brad asked, leaning against a tree in one of the many parks around Chicago. “Pretty good, I think I’m rather high in ranking.” I answered hanging from a branch. “Still some things are nagging me. Roy for example. Ever since we left Amity he’s … he … I don’t know but he behaves strange.” I answered and he raised one eyebrow. “What do you mean strange?” he asked, his voice sounded protective. “He doesn’t smile anymore, he’s so often offended and I can’t joke around him anymore. I also get the feeling he’s disappointed in me. Whenever I do something ‘Dauntless’ his expression shows his distaste of my actions.” Sighing I looked towards my brother. “What should I do? All those feelings are new to me.” I clamped my hands over my eyes. “Get to know those feelings. I’ve been through the same.” He answered with a reassuring smile, but I wasn’t so sure. “I should just accept them?” I asked and he nodded. “What was your rank?” I asked after a while and he laughed quietly. “It was bad. I was seventh. But to be honest it was a tough year and my trainers always let me fight against the strongest. Four and Eric were two of them.” He laughed. Eric’s name sends a strange feeling to my guts. “You fought against them?” I asked, jumping off the branch and sitting opposite to him. “Jeah they beat the crap out of me. One of the reasons I normally patrol at the fence.” He laughed. “Can you give me any tips?” I asked and he itched his chin. “Don’t lose. Don’t let your ranking get too low. Dump your boyfriend cause I don’t like him touching my baby sister.” He answered and I hit his shoulder. “Constructive ones, you idiot.” I laughed, making him grin. “Ok ok,” he held his arms up “Let’s see. Keep your guard up during fighting and mainly use your elbows and knees, they hurt least of all. Keep your trainers attention on you with exceeding in everything you do, not by behaving stupid.” He listed. “Sounds like you have experience with that.” I smirked and he nodded sighing. “One prank gone wrong made me the laugh of the batch.” He mumbled. “Anyway. Friends help you, but don’t risk your later life because of them. If you fight against one of your friends, apologize for beating the crap out of them but remember the ranking determines your later life!” His little speech began to creep me out, still I nodded. “What about your fighting? Are you accustoming?” he asked and I laughed. “Hold your horses. I just had one fight. Against some guy named Drew.” I answered and he looked at me with a waiting expression. “I won. But I too took some hits.” I mentioned towards my cut on my forehead. “I just hope I won’t be a bloody pulp when Mom and Dad come.” I joked, making Brad laugh. Silence hung between us and we looked up to the stars. “Do you miss them?” I ask and he nodded. “More than I sometimes like.” He answered and I smiled slightly. “I miss Dad. I’d give anything to ask him for tips.” I whispered, letting one small tear escape my eye. “Do you regret transferring?” he asked me, but I kept quiet. >Do I?< I wondered. “I don’t know.” I answered truthfully, looking to the high buildings next to us. “Let’s get back, or else tomorrow’ll be a nightmare.” Brad whispered and pulled me to my feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yey some family-bonding time :D


	7. Chapter 7

The alarm clock ripped me out of my dream. I was back together with my family, working alongside my father and playing with my friends on the vast planes. Sighing I put my head in my hands. Biting back the tears that threatened to fall, as my dim surroundings reminded me which life I chose. I chose to be broken, to be stripped of the lessons I was conditioned to live after. >No. I need to be strong. To show my father his believe in me wasn’t for nothing!< I reminded myself and started to dress myself.  
Once we ventured into the training hall, Elli and my discussion about the value of breakfast ceased. “We need …” I started, my sentence vanishing into thin air. “To fight.” Elli finished my sentence, turning to look at me and we broke into hysterical laughter. “That’s going to be a strange fight.” I laughed, but Elli turned serious. “But I don’t want to hurt you. Why do we have to fight?” I could hear slight panic in her voice. I shrugged, the nervous feeling burning down my throat. “Maybe because someone is a sadistic …” Roy shushed me before I could finish my sentence. Roy’s look alone told me to keep quiet, making me roll my eyes. “Are you always going to shut me up?” I asked irritated by his behaviour. “Oh no. Eric’s looking at us!” Elli gripped my arm and I looked towards our trainer. He was indeed looking towards our group, our eyes meeting in the process. >Look down!< A Voice in the back of my head ordered and I averted my eyes. Elli shouldn’t have to suffer because of my self-confidence. “Peter and Drew! In the Ring!” Four’s voice boomed through the hall. “I’m glad it’s not us, but I fear we still have to fight.” Elli and I turned towards the punching bags. “Let’s just fake our death.” I joked, starting to hit the hard and rough leather. “And sneak to Abnegation, they won’t ask questions, or Amity.” She offered making me laugh. “Why don’t we just run. The shaking of our fleeing asses should distract everyone following us.” Although it was a desperate attempt on getting rid of our nerves, the joking really did ease the nervous feelings.  
That was until two names rung through the enormous room. Our two names. Eric’s voice loud and clear even in the echo. My fingers already stung because of the punching bag, but nothing hurt more than seeing the panicked expression of Elli opposite to me. >How am I going to hit her? I don’t want to!” My own mind started to panic, letting my pulse race and my heart hitting against my ribs. “Go on start!” Sighing we raised our guards. >Her guard is still too high.< I thought. “No bad blood?” I asked, smirking slightly. “No bad blood.” She answered and I threw a punch to her stomach, making her gasp in surprise and hurt. She held her stomach, opening her head to me and I used my chance, throwing my arm back to hit her as hard as I could. When my fist connected I felt her kick my legs from under me. My shoulder hit the mat and Elli’s foot hit my stomach. Angry at myself for being way to sure of myself I gripped her leg the next time she kicked me and pulled her down towards me, rolling above her and gripping her neck. She scratched at my arms leaving open scratch wounds on my left upper arm and on my wrists. Her knee hit my side and she managed to roll us around, that she’s now on top of me, strangling me and getting scratched by me. With a yell I ripped her arm away rolling on top of her, only for her to turn us once again. Feeling stupid I managed to pull my knee up between us and with all my might I rolled her over me, successfully separating us. We both jumped to our feet and I threw some punches her way, but she blocked or dodged all of them. Once it was her turn I tried to grip her fists once they hit my block, yet she was too fast for me to get a grip on her sweaty skin. I let out a frustrated cry kicking low to get her back on the ground. But once I initiated the kick, I let my guard fall and Elli hit my nose with a pretty hard hit. I could hear my nose crunch and immediately blood began to flow from the wound. “Fuck me.” I groaned gripping my nose with one hand, but nearly immediately pulling away because of the pain. >Keep your guard up!< I yelled at myself and tried another kick. This time hitting her rib. The hit may have pressed the air out of her lungs, but she still hold on to my leg, trying to get me out of balance. >Jump!< My brain yelled at me and I gripped her shoulders, hoisting myself up on her shoulders and throwing her off. She let go of my leg and I rolled over my shoulder, coming to a kneeling stand behind her. Blood dripped in my mouth and I tasted a disgusting taste of copper. I didn’t realize Elli standing up and staggering towards me. I jumped up as fast as I could and when she threw her arm out to hit me I grabbed her arm, twisted it behind her back. Elli screamed and it burned my ears. >Please just pass out from pain!< I begged, feeling her going limp in my arms, seconds before her shoulder had snapped. >I did it.< I thought, collapsing with her, the world spinning around me. “Alice!” Roy’s voice was distant but I could lift my hand up. “Here.” I answered and felt his hands on me. “I’ll get you to the infirmary.” He growled, pulling me into his arms and carrying me bridal stile out of the room. The last things I saw, were my encircled name and Eric’s proud smile.


	8. Chapter 8

The world stopped spinning at the same moment Elli came back from lala land. “Good morning sleeping beauty.” I groaned, sitting next to her on the bed. We sat in silence, listening to the clock for some time, before we both broke out into laughter, instantly regretting it, when a fierce pain spread through our bodies. “You hit fucking hard!” She laughed, holding her stomach. “Says the one who nearly broke my fucking nose! I heard the crunch. It was fucking weird man.” I looked towards her, we both shaking from laughter and pain. “You gave me a black eye!” she laughed showing me her swollen face. “You’ll live.” I sneered jokingly and she shoved my arm. “Ow.” I hissed, breaking out into more laughter when she pushed on the scratches. “Oh fuck. What did I do?” she asked panicking and I showed her my shoulder. “You tore my shirt AND my skin.” I answered and her eyes widen, before suppressing another laugh whilst holding her stomach. “Well why do you even wear long sleeved shirts?” Elli asked laughing and I opened my mouth to give her an answer, but the voice got caught in my throat. >Why don’t I want to show my tattoo? It’s stupid. I should be proudly parading it around!< “I don’t even know an answer … lend me a hand!” I mumbled and ripped my right sleeve. Elli’s grin widened and she did the same to my left. “Oh fuck. Was that me?” she asked once she saw the scratches and I looked down, seeing the red streaks running down my arm. “Oh it looks worse than it is. I’m just glad you didn’t scratch my tattoo.” I laughed. “But hey. Now I know I shouldn’t underestimate my enemies anymore.” I mumbled and rubbed my shoulder, remembering how Elli threw me onto the mat. “And I should really start guarding my stomach. I should have known when I fought with Peter.” She laughed, once again wincing. “I hate kicks. Cause my guard is down the second my foot leaves the ground. I should really work on that.” I groaned lying down on the bed. “At least you’re strong enough to kick. I can’t … maybe I should train my legs too.” She sighed, lying next to me. We looked at each other, once again breaking out in uncontrollable laughter that hurt us more than it benefitted us. I stifled my laughter, all the while holding my hurting belly, and looked towards the clock on the wall. “It’s probably lunchtime.” Elli mumbled, our stomachs growling.   
After asking the nurse if we’re allowed to leave we made our way towards lunch. “Oh you two are back!” Christina waved us over and I sat left to Tris. “That’s an amazing tattoo! When did you get that?” Tris whispered and the table turned to look at my arm. “I got it on the first day. I … just wasn’t sure of showing it off.” I answered taking something to eat. “Oh look at the Amity over here. Got a little tree on her arm.” I heard Peters voice behind me and turned slightly towards him. “What about you? You don’t want to tell me that you weren’t man enough to get something bigger than that.” I answered pointing towards his lower arm. A snarl crossed his face and I smirked. “What. Cat got your tongue Candor?” I hissed and he left us. “When did you learn to be so …” “Aggressive?” Will ended Christina’s question and I shrugged. “I’m quick to catch on. Especially when someone always calls me a fricking pansy cake.” Out of the corner of my eye I saw Eric, sitting with the other leaders. “Anyways ...” I turned my focus back to my friends. “How were the fights?” I asked and Tris looked down. “They made her fight Peter. Can you believe it? Not even Elli could get a hit on him yesterday!” Christina growled and I sighed. “Eric’s again looking at you.” Cristina remarks. “He either really hates you. Or he has a weird way of showing that he’s proud.” She mumbles between bites and I raised an eyebrow. “I’m pretty sure he just wants to see me brake. After all he is a sadistic …” “Initiates back in the gym!” I hit the table. “Damn am I ever going to finish that sentence without someone interrupting me?” I ask frustrated, swallowing the rest of my food down in one go.   
Four led us back towards the shooting range, handing us the smaller handguns. After some time though he told us to stop and gave us bigger guns. I recognized them. The Dauntless I saw back in Amity shot with those. Without thinking I pressed it against my shoulder, aiming the gun towards the target. “Apparently you don’t need my instructions.” I heard Four’s voice behind me and I turned to look at him, his face unreadable. “Go on then. Shoot!” All I could see was the challenging twinkle in his eyes, indirectly telling me ‘You’ll do it wrong’. “Okay.” I answered, turning around. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Roy shaking his head, an angry frown contorting his usually friendly face. >What the fuck is wrong with him?< His anger fuelled my spite. Again I took aim, my target lining up with the barrel of the gun. After releasing my breath I pulled the trigger, mentally preparing myself for the following recoil. The pain spread from my shoulder to my bruised ribs and I bit down on my lip to stifle my pained cry. I won’t give him the satisfaction. Without looking at the target I turned towards Four, seeing that Eric leaned against the wall behind him. “Well then. Everyone copy Alice!” Four went away and I smirked triumphal, releasing a breath I didn’t know I held. “Why do you always do this?” Roy asked, gripping my arm until it hurt. “What do you mean?” I ask, laying my hand on his wrist. “Why do you always have to attract negative attention?” he hissed and I furrowed my brow. For the first time since shooting I looked at the target. >But I hit!< “What do you want from me? Are you mad because I’m brave enough to show what I know?” I asked, venom in my voice. >When did he start to act like that?< “I just don’t want you to cause commotion anymore! I didn’t take you to be this stupid!” He growled. This rendered me speechless. My mouth opened and closed on its own. I must have looked like a fish. “Is there a problem?” Eric’s sudden voice next to me pilled me out of my stupor. “No!” I growled, ripping my arm free from Roy’s grip, wincing once the motion caused my body to hurt. “Everything is fine.” I spat, turning towards the range to shoot the targets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhh seems like trouble in paradise :o


	9. Chapter 9

The next day I was still mad at Roy. Maybe that’s the reason I send Molly after less than five minutes in the infirmary. My whole body hurt. The fight with Elli left bruises all over me, hurting whenever I hit the punching bag in front of me. My eyebrow hurt from getting my first two piercings and my hands and knuckles were raw from punching. Sighing I leaned against the bag. >What if I was wrong? Roy just wants me to be save.< I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. >Even my brother warned me about gaining attention. I-I’ll just apologize.< Even though my pride now too hurt, the nagging feeling in my stomach left. With grinding teeth I walked over to my boyfriend. After those last few days this term sounded nearly wrong. >Is it even possible for us to be together?< I wondered, thinking about how Initiation tore us apart. “Roy?” His name left a strange feeling on my tongue. “I-I need to talk to you before lunch.” I mumbled scratching my elbow and coincidentally looking smaller than I already am in front of him. He nodded, going back to training without saying a word to me. I felt dumb.  
Once Four announced the lunch break to be over, everyone quickly left the room. “I’ll come a little later. Save me a burger!” I yelled after Elli, turning to Roy, who still stood where he did before. “You wanted to talk?” He asked and I swallowed the last bit of pride I still had in me. “I-I …” I took a deep breath “I wanted t-to apologize. I-i understand now you only want to keep me safe and I-I’m sorry.” Saying this sentence let bile rise in my throat and I had to force a smile onto my face. “I know. I only want you to be peaceful and not full of conflict. You know I love you.” He answered and my grin was even more forced than before. “Initiates go eat! We’ll leave in half an hour!” Eric’s presence behind me sends shivers down my spine. >How long has he been listening?< I wondered and left the room. Out of curiosity I looked over my shoulder. Roy stood next to Eric, he was slightly taller than him, but only by one or two inches. But it was Roy’s face that sends a feeling of dread in my belly. He stood with a smile on his lips, his eyes on the other hand were dark and emitted a feeling of success and obsession. I do not like this expression one bit.  
We left the compound after lunch, Four ushered us onto the train. I looked around me, gasping of relief once I saw Roy was in another section of the train. “The cold air feels so amazing.” Elli laughed, standing directly in the incoming airstream. “Alice you have to try this! My Piercings don’t even hurt anymore!” I grinned at her playful behaviour and joined her in the stream. “Where are we even going? I wasn’t listening.” I yelled over the wind. “We’re going to the fence. To see what we don’t want to be.” She answered a long drawn ‘Ohhh’ leaving my throat. “Not that you should worry about it. You have one of the highest ranks.” She joked, I nodded absentminded. “Wait we visit the fence?” I suddenly snapped, making Elli sigh. “Yes. Do you ever listen?” she jabbed her elbow in my side, we both wincing from the sudden pain shooting through our bodies. “Remind me again, but why did we hit each other this hard?” she hissed and I shrugged. “Cause we don’t like the bottom of the ranks?” I answered sarcastically and peeked out of the open door, the fence steadily growing in the distance. >Will I meet someone from Amity?< I wondered and felt my stomach twisting into knots. “What’s up?” Elli asked laying a hand on my shoulder. “I-I … I’m not so fond of meeting someone from Amity.” I whispered, that only Elli could hear me. “Do you think they’ll recognize you?” she asked and I looked down at myself. Most of my muscled grew and turned even harder than before. The massive tree on my arm accentuated my tan skin and my now raven black and red hair hits my face. “But they’ll recognize him.” I mumbled and she nodded. “Maybe his appearance, but not his character.” Elli growled and I bit my lower lip. >So that’s how much I’d change huh dad?< I thought, looking back outside and towards the fence.  
Once we got off the train, I sucked the fresh air into my lungs. My ribs began to ache with how much I breathed in. Four went to another Dauntless guard, her weapon slung over her shoulder. “You look like you’re expecting to see someone.” Elli mentioned next to me and I sighed. “As I said. I hope not to see someone. Being an Amity transfer is problematic cause …” I couldn’t finish my sentence, because of the sudden embrace I felt. My training kicked in and I wound out of the embrace, pinning the arm of the person behind her back. “Alli it’s me! Sarah!” The person in my grip wailed. “Sarah?” Just now I recognized her trademark braid, she proudly wore day in day out. “Oh my god what happened to your face?” she whispered in horror and lightly traced the stitched wound on my forehead. “Training. But please,” I cleared my throat “don’t touch me too much. I could get into trouble.” I told her and saw her face fall. “What did they do to you? If you want to, you can come back! I’m sure your father would love to have you back. They miss you you know. I can still hear him sometimes yell your name.” she frowned and I felt my heart breaking. “But I chose Dauntless. There’s no turning back now.” I whispered, desperately biting back my tears. “I need to go now.” Sarah’s smile was back on her face and she jumped up on the truck, grabbing her banjo and strumming it happily. >Fuck! But I can’t cry here!< I thought and turned away from the group, hiding my face in my palms. “Alice? You ok?” Elli’s voice slightly calmed me down. Her presence soothing the anxiety I felt in this close proximity to my old faction. “No … But I have to.” I whispered, looking at her and seeing her frown. “You know you don’t have to prove something to anyone.” She answered. I nodded, still not agreeing with her but it wasn’t as nerve-wracking as discussing about it. >I have to prove myself! I have to prove that my father didn’t make a mistake with believing in me!<  
Once back in the compound, Elli and I parted ways. I went to the gym to blow off some steam. I really needed the timeout, to let my thoughts and the aggression I felt towards Roy’s behaviour go. Hitting the bag turned into a soothing rhythm, I was so lost in training I didn’t even recognize the time. Only once two hands stopped my vicious pounding, I realized how dark it had gotten around me. “Pansy Cake. What the fuck are you doing?” Eric’s rough voice hit my ears and I relaxed my stance slightly. >The fuck you doing? Don’t relax around him!< A small part of my brain yelled and I sighed. “I’m pretty sure hitting the punching bag with my body counts as training.” I snapped, meeting his eyes. They seemed amused, but his stone like façade made this amusing glint look straight up malicious. “And what about getting your blood all over the punching bag? Stop before I make you clean all of them on your own!” he snarled and I suppressed a laugh. “My my. Does the big bad Eric actually care about me?” I teased, a sarcastic smirk on my lips. “Don’t push your luck Pansy Cake! Now get yourself cleaned up and get the fuck in bed.” He growled and I rolled my shoulders. “I’ll try to tame my tongue. But you’re making it rather difficult for me.” I sight melodramatically, sauntering away from Eric. “Let’s see if you’re this cocky once I’m finished with you tomorrow!” he answered and I turned around, walking backwards towards the door. “Is that a promise?” I asked, turning back around, biting my lip once I heard Eric huffing amused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally some more interactions between Alice and Eric XD


	10. Chapter 10

Slowly but surely I noticed the last few days taking their toll on me. Now not just my body hurt all over, but nightly terrors keep me from a good night of sleep. “Who’re the next victims on Eric’s murder list?” I asked yawning. When I didn’t receive an answer I looked at Elli, who looked like she had seen a ghost. “I have to fight against the tank?” Elli whispered, a slightly panicked expression on her face. “What? Why the fuck are you against her?” I gasped and looked to the board. ‘Alice – Edward’ stood right beneath Elli and Molly. “It seems like he held his promise.” I whispered. “What?” Eli asked but I shook my head. It seemed like Roy doesn’t have to fight today and my lips formed a straight line.>What am I going to do?< I wondered. “Elli, Molly! On the matt!” Four yelled and I kept my fingers crossed for her.   
Both opponents circled around each other and I quickly realized Elli’s guard was once again too high up. Molly too saw this and threw a nasty punch into my friend’s ribs, making me involuntarily grab my own ribs. I remembered yesterday’s fight against Molly. You could still see the blue eye and split lip I gave her. Elli would just have to hit her temple and molly would be out like a light. But instead of focusing on getting her on the ground, Elli tried to make damage with jabs and kicks to her side. I could see how Elli’s power steadily lowered and Molly hit her several times. “Come on! Get her down!” I growled, not noticing the sudden presence next to me. “Who do you have to fight?” Roy suddenly asked and I jumped slightly. “Edward.” I answered shortly, a strange feeling creeping up my limbs and into my bones. His voice sounded strange. Familiar and yet unsettlingly alien. “Oh no. Will you be alright?” There it was again. The caring side of him that I grew to love and for one second I thought that maybe we just hit a rocky patch in our relationship. That maybe everything will get back to normal once everything is over. I nearly smiled, but then he shattered my hopes with one sentence, showing me his true intentions. “Please be peaceful.” His hand snuck around my waist and I felt like I’m in the grip of a snake. How could I’ve been so blind? Nothing would change! Maybe that was Roy’s aim all along. Willing me to stay the perfect example of an Amity. A low thump ripped me out of my thoughts and I saw Elli standing triumphantly over Molly’s unconscious body.  
Once Molly was brought into the infirmary, Eric yelled for me and Edward. >What am I supposed to do?< My brain couldn’t cope with the situation. Too many thoughts were scattered in my mind and the lack of sleep didn’t help the slightest. “Pansy Cake. Guard up or you won’t be standing any longer!” Eric growled and I swallowed, inhaling deeply to maybe tear my mind from worrying too much about the situation I caught myself in. I managed to dodge Edward attacks and quickly looked towards Eric. He seemed confused and angry, making a hand motion that could be interpreted with ‘Come on. Do something!’ Again I dodged Edward’s punches, this time looking towards Roy, who smiled at me with a satisfied grin. Anger bubbled up in my chest and I lashed out towards Edward, who too dodged my attacks. Frustrated with myself I slowly tired body out, until Edward and I were both panting, already feeling our bruises appear. “Fucking do something! We ain’t got all day!” I didn’t know who was meant with that comment. Yet my vision shifted to Roy. He stood there, arms crossed and shaking his head ‘no’. The last image I saw was a furious Eric, standing next to a baffled Elli. Edward’s fist hit the left side of my head and the world around me turned black. Only one question coursing through my mind. >Why?<  
The sounds around me were the first things I recognized after I took Edward’s hit. “Is she going to be alright?” I could hear the worry in Elli’s voice and the colours once again started to return to my vision. When I tried to speak, no voice came, it only led me into a coughing fit. “Oh my god Alice!” Elli pushed the nurse out of her way and sat on the edge of the bed I was laying in. “I wish you wouldn’t have to see me like this.” I croaked, looking down to my hands. “How long was I out?” I asked and Elli sighed. “Not for too long. Maybe two or three hours. You missed lunch, but I brought you this!” she answered gleefully and shoved a cold burger in my hands. “Thank god, something to eat. You’re amazing.” I gasped and happily bit into the food. “Initiate return to training! I have to talk to Pansy Cake here!” Eric’s rough voice sounded even more pissed than usual and Elli shot me a sympathetic smile. “Tell Four we’ll follow soon!” he ordered and Elli left the second I finished my meal. An uncomfortable silence settled over us, the only thing he did was staring me into the mattress. “What the fuck was this?” he asked, voice disturbingly calm. “I …” I started but he held his hand up for me to stop. “That right there was the WORST I’ve seen from you!” His voice rose in volume and I bit my lip. “That was plain out pathetic! What the fuck possessed your mind? Yesterday you were all cocky, talking back to me and right out challenging me!” He emphasised the ‘me’ and I opened my mouth to talk, yet he once again cut me from doing so. “And don’t tell me bullshit because I saw how you looked to your coward of a boyfriend! So what the fuck would bring you to conclusion that it would be acceptable to play dumb and helpless?” he ground his teeth. “Seems like I was mistaken in you.Seems like you’re just a little Pansy Cake!” he snarled. Now I was pissed. How dare he call me out like this. “I’m more than just a little Pansy Cake!” I hissed, meeting his eyes and not breaking eye contact. I was suddenly reminded of the vicious dog in my aptitude test. “Show me then!” his grin was wicked. Like he knew exactly what I’m going to do. I shouldn’t like this grin as much as I do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally another chapter -.-  
> I hope I can finally find the time to write a little more


	11. Chapter 11

When I stepped into the training room, everyone stared at me, as if I was some kind of survivor of a catastrophe. “Why is everyone staring at me?” I whispered to Elli and she shrugged. “Maybe because Eric personally came to get you, looking pissed as fuck?” she answered and I rolled my eyes. “Get back to training!” Four growled next to us and we turned towards each other, to practice some movements. “So what was his visit about?” Elli asked and threw some kicks my way. “Nothing much. He said the fight was pathetic, he called me ‘just a little Pansy Cake’ and that’s it.” I shrugged, punching her, so she can block my attacks. “Yeah. But what the fuck was up with you? I’ve never seen you fight this shitty before.” Elli wondered and I shook my head. “I didn’t focus. Too many things were in my mind.” I sighed and hoped Elli would leave it at that. She opened her mouth to say something, but Four interrupted her. He ordered for us to stop training and to follow him. Apparently we’re going jogging.  
After hours of running through the compound and rundown parts of the city, Four finally dismisses us. “Come let’s get our new piercings! I finally won a battle I didn’t think I would win.” Elli cheered and I let her drag me out of the training room. “Right. Now I too need a new piercing. Damn it.” I laughed, my fingers traced my previous piercings out of instinct. “You still need to tell my why you lost though!” Elli bugged me and I scratched my neck. “You know you can trust me. I won’t tell anyone.” She added and I nodded. “It was because of Roy. I-I don’t know why but he scares me a little bit. He wants me to be humble and not hurt anyone. He wants me to be Amity not Dauntless. I start to think he just transferred because of … me.” I sighed and Elli laid a hand on my shoulder. “Why don’t you just dump him?” she asked. I let out a mix of a laugh and a snort. “I wish it would be this easy. I’ve known him all my life. We met when we were around four. He found me playing with my dog.” I needed a short pause, or else the sadness I tried to suppress would rise to my throat. “He always chided me when I did something dangerous. Especially when I hurt myself.” I laughed and Elli raised a brow. “I thought Amity were the peaceful ones?” she questioned and I bit my lip. “Well I wanted apples so I climbed the trees. I wanted to play with my pets but they had claws. I helped my father build homes for other members AND I got hit by a horse … more than once. You could say I never really fit in Amity.” I explained and Elli looked at me as if I were crazy. “Is that why you’re that good with weapons?” she asked, but I shook my head, laughing. “No I just took a liking to the Dauntless faction. I admired how strong they are and I might have trained with knives a little bit.” I bit my lip, while Elli looked at me with an open mouth. “But Amity are the pacifists. I thought it’s impossible to have any desire in inflicting pain to others.” She whisper-shouted, her expression of utter disbelieve making me laugh. “I didn’t want to inflict pain, but do you know what a pain in the ass it was to get the highest apples? So I nearly perfected my throw to hit them to make them fall.” I answered, shrugging my shoulder. “No wonder you left.” Elli mumbled, still dumbfounded by my story. We entered the piercing shop and explained our ideas. “I still don’t understand why you lost, though. Did Roy blackmail you or something?” she asked, wincing slightly once the needle pierced her skin. “To be honest. I don’t even know why. Too many things ran through my mind and I couldn’t focus. I just hope it didn’t dent my rank too much.” I sighed. When our piercings were done we went back to the dorms. “What are you going to do from now on?” Elli asked while she played with her new piercing. “Well. Todays fight and Eric’s yelling were eye opening. Even if I don’t want to but I have to think about my future and if I keep on please Roy with my actions I can forget about getting a job as a leader.” I mumbled and Elli cocked her head. “Why do you want to become a leader?” she asked and I shrugged my shoulders. “I think it’d be a pretty neat job. Scaring the crap out of new initiates like Eric does.” I answered laughing. Elli grinned at me and I furrowed my brows. “What’s that look for?” I ask and she shrugged. “Can’t I grin?” she asked, but my expression didn’t change. “You can, but not in that context. What is up with you?” I asked, irritated and slightly creeped out. “Could it be you fancy someone?” she asked. “Could it be someone with, I don’t know, let’s say many piercings, short hair and cool looking tattoos?” she elaborated. “Oh … OH!” My brain needed a second to register her innuendo. “Oh no. Why would I?” I laughed. Eric would be the last person I’d think of when it comes to dating. “Well I caught you starting at him sometimes AND he seems to be the only one to get through your thick skull.” She laughed, while I looked at her as if she’s crazy. “Oh stop that crap.” I snorted, shoving her shoulder. “You still didn’t answer.” She teased and I shook my head, ignoring her. “You know you won’t live that down until you get a boyfriend.” She nagged and shoved me. “You know that I still have a boyfriend.” I answered, mocking her tone. “Let’s see for how long.” I heard her mumble.


	12. Chapter 12

We weren’t asleep for long until the door opened with a loud bang and a bright light ripped me out of my sleep. The bright light from a Flashlight hit my face, before it zoomed away. Yawning I grabbed my clothes and started to dress. Eric barked something, but I didn’t care to listen as I was currently trying to gain my balance after being forced out of my bed. “We have to go to the train tracks.” Elli yawned and I nodded. “Then let’s go.” I grumbled and we started to jog through the compound, still trying to fully wake up. I didn’t even realize the train rushing past me, only once Elli vanished into one of the wagons I remembered that I should run. The fight with Edward still hung deep into my bones and every step reminded me of the loss. >Never again!< I thought and jumped into the wagon Elli got on. “It’s ok, I knew you’re an asshole.” I heard Elli say and saw how Peter and his gang stood before her. >Not again. Sometimes he’ll go too far.< I thought and watched the city speed by.   
“Everyone grab a weapon!” Eric yelled and everyone pushed past me, leaving me behind as last in line. “The fuck just happened?” I mumbled to myself and waited to get to the weapons. By the time I reached the crate, I ended up with a box full of bright pink paint balls. Silently cursing I grabbed the heavy weapon and went to Elli’s side. Glancing over to Roy, but ignoring him. Elli raised an eyebrow and looked at me. All I could do was shrug it off. Before Elli could ask anything more Eric interrupted us by saying “Four and I are your captains and we will choose teams now.”. I’m not completely sure but I believe I once again missed the explanation, only hearing my name being called out by Four. I waited in silence hoping Elli would be on my team until I finally heard her name, once it was Four’s turn. Not only was she on my team, Roy also was elected by Eric and I let out a sigh of relief. “You’re glad he’s not with you? Aren’t you still technically his girlfriend?” Elli whispered and I snapped my head towards her. “Do you remember him on choosing day? He used to always be like that … Not the weird, scary version of Roy he is now…” I mumbled, again feeling a feeling of defeat crawling up my throat. “I don’t understand why he is like that, but it does not suit him.” I whispered, glad that Elli didn’t further press on that matter.  
After a short discussion on who would jump first, we were the ones to start hiding our flag and the few dauntless-born started to argue where they hid the flag the years before. All the while I looked around the colourful little houses. It looked like it was abandoned, but what was its further purpose? We learned about the Pier and that past generations went here for fun and amusement. >Were all people once Dauntless?< I wondered, while looking up to the enormous ferry wheel.   
The next discussion was right around the corner, as we decided on what to do, until we decided to send off a small attack team. “I’ll go. Are you with me?” Elli seemed exited, but I shook my head. “Nah. I’ll defend.” I answered and she nodded. I could see her hesitation, so I gave her a reassuring smile. “Let’s do this!” she grinned and off she was. Not much later Tris stepped up and told the people still present, where the flag could be found. We split the last of us into two groups and the second attack team went off. Not too many stayed with me. Only two other dauntless-born and Myra helped to guard the flag. We spread over the small place around the carrousel to hide and I nearly yelled out of happiness, once I found a tree that overlooked the whole ground. As fast as I could, I climbed up to a sturdy looking branch, completely ignoring the pain in my bones. It was perfect. The leaves were dense enough to cover me but from the place I sat, a perfectly lightly covered hole let me still see the flag. Now all I had to do was to wait to think the flag is unattended.  
As I sat in the tree, desperately trying to stay awake, I looked for the other people who were scattered throughout the area. I easily spotted Myra, as she cowered under the board of one of the smaller huts. I furrowed my brows once I saw she put her gun away. I waiter for a gust of wind to rustle the leaves around me, so that I could look around without giving my position away. My frown grew once I saw that both dauntless-born were mindlessly jumping across the roofs of the huts. “I’m bored let’s go!” the one yelled to the other. All I wanted to do was to face palm. “Yeah what if they need us?” the other called back “Or they have all the fun without us?” With that both jumped from the roof and began running through the woods. The peaceful side of me tried to argue in their favour >They trust us. They use themselves as bait. They want to lure the attackers to us so we can ambush them.< But the logical side inside of my brain yelled at me >They left me alone with Myra because they were bored!< “Fuck NO! We didn’t get to do anything!” I heard one of the two dauntless-born cry. “Your fault for giving away your position!” It’s him. The sarcastic, cruel tone I love to hear. Eric came to get the flag. I listened closely to hear if he’s alone. To my dread I could make out three different footsteps. A shot rang through the silence, directly below me. I could see how Myra desperately clutched her gun, a bright yellow blob of paint running down her shoulder. “Ha dude she hit ya. Sucks to be you.” One of the enemies laughed. “Shut up. There might be another.” Eric snapped, the other letting out a degrading sound. “No way where? We cleared everything!” O how I tried to lose the grin on my face. Both started walking again and in the last moment I caught one on his ankle. “The fuck? Someone’s on the ground! They shoot low!” He yelled and Eric randomly shot the ground. “If they were they’re hit now. Get back to base. I get the flag.” He sounded pissed. Good. I heard two footsteps vanishing, whilst Eric proceeded towards the flag. “You won’t win this time Four.” Eric sneered cocky and reached out towards the flag, until I bombarded his back with my bright pink paintballs. It was a straight line, starting at his ass and ending on the back of his neck, slowly dripping into his shirt. He froze in his movement, squared his shoulders and turned around, staring into the night. As he pulled out his flashlight and searched around the area I contemplated on giving away my position. I know I shouldn’t but it was way too tempting, so I once again aimed at him and hit him square in the chest. The silence of the night anticipated him to burst into a screaming fit, but instead he looked up to my tree, flashing the light directly onto me … and I had nothing better to do than flash him a wicked grin and most importantly a peace sign. “Pansy Cake! What the fuck are you doing?” he growled, although I could hear his slight amusement. “My job I think. I’m pretty sure I just hindered you from taking the flag.” I answered, an innocent tone laced my voice. “What? You underestimated me?” I asked feigning shock. “You little…” he growled and vanished out of my line of sight. The tree started to shake slightly and I looked around slightly alarmed, until Eric appeared more above than next to me. “Oh ok that’s a pretty nice hideout you have here.” He mumbled into my ear and I felt my cheeks growing hot. “Can you please get off of me?” I hissed, only to see him smirk next to my face. “Why? Do I make you nervous?” he growled. >YES!< my brain yelled but a firm “No!” left my throat. “You know I gotta see what you have to deal with to give you the correct ranking. I wouldn’t understand without being in this position.” I rolled my eyes, of course now he’s the one being all innocent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY
> 
> I really hate exams ... taking all my free time and drowning it in studying  
> But I'm really glad everyone enjoys my story so far ^^  
> I really hope I can get more up sooner


	13. Chapter 13

Distant yelling and cheering let me to believe our team won. “We won you can get up!” I growled and he started to move. I don’t know if he did it on purpose but while he tried to get off me, he shoved my shirt slightly up, leading me to shiver once the cold air hit my bare skin. “Stop undressing me!” I gasped, but I couldn’t push the shirt back down without risking to lose my balance. “Not a sentence I hear often.” He smirked and his piercings glistened in the dark, reflecting the moonlight. “For fucks sake. Get off me or I’ll shoot you!” I didn’t think this through, because as soon as I said that, his grin disappeared. “You don’t talk to me like this.” He growled and I rolled my eyes. “Eric you don’t scare me. And when I recall correctly, you prefer me being challenging and daring.” I murmured. To most his expression would have been terrifying, but I could see the proud little glimmer in his usually cold eyes. Without another word he started to climb down and only now did I realize my rapidly beating heart. “You coming down?” he yelled up at me and I jumped off the branch. “Yeah.” I answered, my smile more teasing than real. “Get the flag and follow me!” he ordered and took me back to the train tracks, where we met up with the rest of our teams. As soon as I saw Elli, I ran towards her. “Hey how was the waiting?” she asked and I rolled my eyes, telling her about the problems caused by the two dauntless-born. “Right I saw a little group sneaking off and walking towards our flag … they didn’t get it sooner than we, did they?” She asked and I shook my head. “Eric was near but …” I trailed off, as he walked by us, showing us the perfect pink line I got on his back. “Oh my god. You did this?” she asked, trying to keep her voice low. “What about you?” I asked and her grin turned nearly sadistic. “You know … once we attacked the others I met Roy … well let’s just say I couldn’t shoot anyone after.” She didn’t have to say much more, because not even a second later someone stood next to us. Yellow from head to toe. Elli nearly choked on her laughter. “Not cool.” Roy mumbled, turning us into a giggling mess. “Ow my stomach!” I gasped and Elli pointed to the tears in her eyes. “Very funny. At least someone hit her after.” He smirked and I raised an eyebrow. “Wait really where?” I looked her up and down, stopping once I saw her cheeks darken. “Someone shot my ass.” She growled and I turned her around, seeing the big green splatter all across her bum. I bit my lip, trying to look serious, but failing horribly and bursting out laughing. “Who hit you?” I laughed. “I-I don’t know.” She murmured, not meeting my gaze. >Fine I let her be. She did it too.< I hold up my hands. “I’m the best. I didn’t get hit!” I cheered. “Yeah then what’s this?” Elli laughed and prodded a point on my shoulder. I tried to see what she meant but could only see a little pink out of the corner of my eye. “Well I didn’t get hit …” I answered, thinking back to the incident in the tree “… I rather got hit on.” I finished my sentence, gaining the attention of both Roy and Elli. “WHAT by whom?” she yelled excitedly, while Roy looked darkly towards the other males. >Fuck. Alice, whatever you do, DON’T look at Eric!< My brain cried and I looked towards the ground. “I ahh …” “The train is coming! Everyone get on!” Four yelled, indirectly helping me out of my situation.  
Back on the train Elli and I quickly lost sight of Roy. “Soooo. Who shot your ass?” I grinned at Elli, seeing her frown. “Only when you tell me about the pink spot on your shoulder!” She answered and I contemplated about it. >Fuck it she’s my best friend!< I nodded and we scurried in one of the corners. “Wanna make it a game? The ride back is long.” Elli mumbled and I snorted out a laugh. “Sure playing a game of combine with an former Erudite sounds fair! But ok. Let’s do this!” I laughed and shook Elli’s outstretched hand. “So only three or four guys from the different team had green paintballs.” I started and Elli nodded. “So that could have been. Roy, I think, had green ones, so everyone who got their bullets while he was up. The first few …” I mumbled and looked around, crossing out the ones either hit with green splatters or the ones on our team. “That leaves Peter or one of the dauntless born.” I concluded and looked towards her. “It was Peter wasn’t it? I’d take him to be this kind of guy.” I mumbled and she nodded. “See that wasn’t so bad.” She laughed and I rolled my eyes. “It’s your turn. How did I get the splatter on my shoulder.” I grinned. >There’s no way she’ll get this one.< “Well the only ones you interacted with were the small group that sneaked past us. It was Eric!” She answered and my grin vanished. I slowly looked towards her, my lips a straight line. “What the … how the … I hate you for being right.” I grumbled and she laughed. “Fair game.” I teased, making quotation marks with my fingers. “She laughed with me, asking “I know who, but how? I mean it is pretty obvious because Eric’s the only one with a pink spot square on his chest.” She scratched the back of her head. “What exactly did you two do?” she asked, looking at me with a catlike grin. My face turned hot, by the thought of what she implied. “Nothing. I hid up on a tree and he … I don’t know how I could tell this without making it sound weird. The branch I was lying on was small, so he … kind of laid on me.” I grew more and more silent during the last part and buried my face in my knees once I heard her squeal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little shout out to the trucker who honked at me and my friend during our free period. You really made our day :D


	14. Chapter 14

Getting up the next morning was horrible. Strolling most of the night through the pier and chasing down the other initiates really took everyone’s will to go on. “Next fights are up!” Eric’s voice broke through my train of thought and I shook Elli, who looked like she slept standing up. “W-what?” she looked around her and I chuckled slightly. Next fights.” I mumbled and she rolled her eyes. “Fuck me. What’s wrong with them?” She growled and I shrugged. “Many consecutive days of sleep deprivation?” I asked and looked towards the board. “Seems you’re up against Will.” I mumbled and she groaned. “Who are you against?” she asked and I looked at the board. Oh I had the first fight. “I’m up against … Roy.” I felt my blood run cold. I’ve never thought they might match us up. But this was beyond showing who’s stronger. This is Eric, recognizing my one major flaw. With this fight I can show him my commitment towards this faction. My faction. “Shit. Not really. Will you be ok?” Elli asked and I nodded. “I have to. Sooner or later I would have to deal with him.” I answered, but she still looked at me with uncertainty. “Alice! Roy! In the ring!” Four called for us and I took a deep breath. With every step I took the possible outcome dawned on me. I am going to leave this fight victorious, but it won’t feel like one. With this fight I’ll show my belonging. “Get your guards up and start whenever you’re ready!” Eric called and propped his elbows up on his knees. “We don’t have to.” Roy whispered to me, but my face stayed stone-like. With every fight, the fighting stance felt increasingly right and the rush of adrenaline made me feel alive. “Yes we do!” I answered and his eyes fixated me with a disappointed look. “Stop dancing around each other! If you don’t fight you both will be kicked down to the bottom of the ranks!” Eric was increasingly fed up and a small look of panic crossed my face. “I know you. You don’t want to hurt anyone.” He said and I shook my head. Instead of answering him, I kicked his side, sending him stumbling through the ring. “Please show them who you really are. I know you’re better than them.” He pleaded. Every word that dripped off his lips fuelled the anger I had deep in the pit of my stomach. >Why would he still think I’m Amity?< I thought angry and punched in his direction. He tried to avoid my attacks but some still hit him. I grew frustrated by his passiveness, but now was the time. I had to decide. Choosing him meant for me to stop fighting, dropping out of Dauntless and living with him amongst the Factionless. Choosing Dauntless meant for me to knock him out, losing my best friend since childhood, loosing yet another part of my old life but giving me the opportunity to start a life here in Dauntless. Now or never. A future without Roy or a future on the streets. I balled my fists and bared my teeth. “You want me to show the real me? Fine!” I yelled and kicked his knees from under his body. Once he laid on the ground, I kneeled over him and send one punch after the other in his forearms. Every hit repeated my decision in my head until a steady string of ‘Dauntless!’ accompanied my thundering fists. “Roy fight back!” Four ordered and I could see the mad glimmer in Roy’s eyes, as he opened his guard to let me directly hit his temple. Knocking him out with one hit. I did it. Trying to catch my breath I sat back and looked down onto the unconscious body beneath me. Even though my mind felt sad that this fight had to go like this, I still did it. That’s my decision. The one I chose on choosing day and the one I’m willed to choose anew every day. Dauntless that’s what I am and what I’ll be from now on!  
I helped getting Roy to the infirmary. I probably won’t hear the rest of it after training. Sighing I stood up from the seat next to his bed. >I’ll talk to him once he’s better.< I thought and on my way out Elli and Al carried an unconscious Will into the station. As soon as she saw my sad expression she mouthed a small ‘You ok?’ to which I nodded. Although I felt bad for planning to dump Roy once and for all, I for once fully knew I didn’t make the wrong decision. I waited for Elli and together we went back to training. “I’ll break up with him.” I suddenly blurted out, causing Elli to miss the punching bag. “What? Why so suddenly. I-I thought you’d want to at least try staying with him.” She asked and I sighed. “I did … at least I tried to but … I don’t know. My heart is with the Dauntless! His is with Amity.” I answered and went back to hitting the punching bag in front of me. “Frankly speaking, I’m pretty sure he will be cut. I mean he didn’t win even one fight and the rest of training wasn’t to his benefit either.” I mumbled, hearing Elli mutter “Fuck that’s horrible.”. I shrugged, not knowing how to tell her that I might have dreaded this outcome a few days ago, but now I’m even a little glad it happened. I don’t know why but something inside of me cheered for Roy’s failure. It was a disgusting thought and I felt horrible … I at least wanted to feel horrible, alas I didn’t. I swallowed hard, realizing that me being Dauntless might have changed me more than I wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God damn school's not letting me write as much as I'd like to :C


	15. Chapter 15

After lunch, Elli and I went back to the training room. Four had told us we get to learn how to throw knives today, so I was pumped. On the way though stopped us Roy momentarily. “Hey Roy. Are you better now?” Elli asked, but he didn’t answer. I didn’t want to look at him, but his eyes were trained on me, dark and without any glimmer of happiness they once harboured. “Can you leave us alone for a minute?” Although it was meant to be a question, it didn’t sound like one. The calmness of his voice made me shiver. I nodded towards Elli and saw her hesitate. “I’ll tell them you’ll be right there.” She said and went away. “You want to talk?” I asked, still not looking into his eyes. “What the fuck was that back then?” he hissed and I rolled my eyes. “What? Did you expect me to just stand there and risk falling down to the bottom of the ranks?” I answered, seeing how he balled his fists. “All I asked of you was to be yourself! You’re not like them!” he answered. “I am! Why won’t you get this in your skull? I chose this and I won’t risk being factionless! Not when all my life I’ve longed to finally fit in!” my voice steadily growing in volume. “You fit in Amity!” he yelled back at me, as if it was a command. That I had to pack up my things and should go back to Amity with him. “I didn’t! You did but I didn’t! I am Dauntless!” My own voice as loud as his. “Why won’t you at least once do what I ask of you?” he sighed. Of course now he’s going back to his innocent behaviour. Why can’t he at least once stay consistent with his new character traits? “Sorry but I don’t want to be factionless!” I hissed. “Why won’t you want to stay with me? I chose Dauntless for you! For us to work I chose a Faction I was never meant to join!” There it was. The dark glimmer in his eyes. Possessiveness. How could I’ve never realized it? He never showed such behaviour in Amity … well back in Amity I’d still love him. Possessive o not, his exclamation made something inside of me snap and my anger turned into extreme rage. “Shut up!” I yelled. “I never asked you to choose because of me!” I wanted to cry, let all the frustration get out but I couldn’t, not in front of him. Roy’s face turned sour. “I did it because I love you!” he answered and I shook my head, laughing at how unconvincing his exclamation just sounded. “No! Don’t say that! You did it because of the idea of me! Because you the façade of peace and ignorance I put up in Amity! Not disagreeing with your viewpoints and living in perfect harmony under your command. But you know what? I changed! Everyone changed so stop pretending you know me! Because you don’t.” My outburst left me breathless but I felt better. “We’re threw. Whatever was still between us is over.” Only now while talking in a low voice, I noticed how strained my voice was. All that shouting was new to my throat. I pushed past him, only for Roy to grab my arm. “We’re not finished!” he hissed. >He doesn’t know when to stop!< I thought and turned towards him, looking him directly into his eyes. They held a look I could only describe with insanity. Maybe his possessiveness turns out to be less the fear of losing me, than the wish to subdue me. Rage and fear bubbled up inside my chest, activating my days of training, so I pulled my arm back and punched him right in his face. I heard and felt his nose crunch because of my fist and a certain sting signalled me that I once again split the skin on my knuckles, but I didn’t care, for he let my arm go. “Yes we are!”  
I stomped back to the others and saw that everyone was eagerly practicing knife throwing. “You’re late!” Eric growled and I bit my lip, swallowing the comment I desperately wanted to bark at him. “It won’t happen again.” I sighed and he pushed some blades into my hands. “Come on Pansy Cake. I’m sure you can do it without a tutorial. After all you aced everything by now.” He grinned and I rolled my eyes. “If you want me to.” I answered, grabbed the handles of the knives tighter and went to the target between Tris and Elli. “You ok? What was all that shouting about?” she asked and I aimed at the targets. “I’m fine!” I growled and threw the first knife dead in the centre. “Perfect!” the next knife. “Wonderful.” The third, once again in the centre. “Just fricking amazing!” For every word I said another knife flew into the target. “Jeah … ‘fine’.” Elli mumbled, making quotation marks with her fingers. “Sorry. I’m just mad and … I broke up with Roy and I might have broken his nose.” A small laugh escaped me. I threw another knife. “How are you so good at this? I thought you grew up in Amity.” Will called from two targets down. “What? Was I not allowed to practise?” I asked and everyone went to collect their knives. “Although no one liked to watch me throw, I realized it was easier to get higher apples down with the knives.” I explained to Will and he nodded. “Pansy Cake! I need to talk to you.” Eric yelled out behind me and I sighed. I left Elli’s side and went to the leader. “Yes?” I asked. “Tell me. Where’s your sorry excuse of a boyfriend? He should be here by now!” he crossed his arms and looked down on me. >I’m still not afraid of you.< I thought amused and cleared my throat. “Ex please.” I said and his eyebrow rose a little. “And I think he’s in the infirmary, trying to pierce his nose back together … or his dignity.” I finished and a big, fat smirk broke out on his face. “You dumped him, didn’t you? Come on tell me. Why did you do it?” If it wasn’t for his slightly terrifying grin, he’d act like a schoolgirl waiting for me to tell the newest rumours. I had to bite the inside of my cheeks to keep from laughing at my own thoughts. >What the fuck brain.< I thought and let a shaky sigh escape my throat. “He’s a coward. Hiding behind the Ideals of our … his old Faction, wanting me to be Amity.” I cleared my throat and looked up into his eyes. His usually cold eyes held a small glimmer of something I couldn’t pinpoint. Hope? Pride? I mentally slapped myself. Why do I even care about him? Sure he’s my leader but … nothing more. “Should I get back to training now?” I asked after a short awkward silence. His jaw tensed and he shook his head. Take the afternoon off and get yourself cleaned up. You look like shit.” He raised his voice for the whole room to hear him. >That’s what a girl wants to hear. ‘You look like shit’.< I thought and shook my head smiling to myself. “Aww you really do care about me.” I whispered and walked away, hearing him yell “Oh fuck off.” after me.


	16. Chapter 16

I left the training room and went back to the dorms to take a nice shower. The water, although not warm, did wonders on my strained muscles and helped me wash away the rest of my anger about Roy’s behaviour. After drying off I wanted to change into some new clothes. Sighing I opened the drawer on Elli and my nightstand. “I really need some new clothes.” I growled, pulling out a baggy shirt and some pants. Without further ado I went to buy some new clothes, maybe even get a new tattoo.  
About an hour later and many shopping bags richer I wandered into the tattoo parlour, looking towards the designs on the wall. “Hey you’re the initiate with the tree. Biggest one I yet made.” A rather bulky man with long hair and a beard came to stand next to me. I had to look up to him, but he wasn’t menacing. Even though he seemed dangerous, especially with the spiky piercings in his ears and the studs decorating his nose up to his eyebrows, his eyes possessed a friendly gleam. I felt like I could tell him everything. He had to be an Amity transfer, no other faction has this effect on people. “Are you looking for a new tattoo?” he asked and I nodded. “I want something to show that I’m Dauntless. That I chose my faction without any regret.” I answered and he chuckled slightly. “Did something happen or do you have to prove yourself to someone?” he asked, skimming through some of the designs on show. “Bit of both.” I answered, hoping he wouldn’t ask further. “Fair enough. I think I have an idea. Is it a problem for you if it’s a big tattoo?” he asked and looked me up and down. I shook my head. “Not really. What do you have in mind?” I asked, brow rising. “Can I surprise you?” he asked back, a trustworthy look in his eyes. An unsure feeling spread in my stomach, but I couldn’t shake the glimmer of trust out of my mind. Maybe it were his eyes, maybe the thought of him once being Amity, but something inside of me wanted to trust him. “Fine, but don’t make me regret it.” I answered, his laughter booming inside the quiet parlour. It was a calming sound, reminding me of my father. “So where do you want it?” I pondered for a second and looked towards the shopping bags I left at the entrance. “I think I’ll have it right here.” I answered, pointing towards my thigh. “Well then, get on the chair and free your leg. By the way, my name is Derek.” He walked towards his chair and began drawing out my tattoo. I took my partly off, telling him my name in the process and sat on the chair, the leather cold against my bare leg. “What are you even doing here? I thought you have training?” Derek suddenly asked, starting to work on my leg. The sting of the needle acquainted by the low buzz of the machine itself, soothing my nerves. “Eric gave me the rest of the day off.” I answered and Derek raised a brow. “Eric? He let you go? Seems like our sadistic leader has a soft spot for you.” I rolled my eyes “Please not you too. Elli’s always nagging me about it.” I sighed making him chuckle. “I don’t like him like that.” I put on an angry face and crossed my arms, Derek on the other hand started laughing loudly. “I never said you do.”  
After many hours of pain and teasing, Derek sat back and put the tattoo-needle away. “I’m finished. Do you wanna see it?” he asked and I nodded in excitement. He led me to the full body mirror and the massive tattoo immediately caught my eye. How couldn’t it? After all it nearly covered my whole thigh, starting by the hip and ending a little under my knee. “Wow it’s amazing.” My finger traced the Dauntless-Symbol, now permanently captured in my skin. “It’s the map of the train, the Dauntless emblem telling you were your home is.” Derek explained and I traced the lines. Everything was surrounded by what looked like fence wire, but it was a small tree that made me smile “There’s Amity. I thought it would be a good waypoint for when you get lost.” His voice sounded proud and I marvelled at some of the other delicate designs he morphed into the wire. “Derek that’s amazing, thank you.” I couldn’t resist hugging him, his laughter filling my ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god FINALLY
> 
> My finals and my boyfriend decided to straight up murder my free time :C  
> But I finally got to write a little bit :D
> 
> Hope all of you still enjoy it and thank you all for reading and liking my story :*


	17. Chapter 17

The next day I still felt the slight buzz of my new tattoo. “I still don’t get why you chose to count your victory against Roy as a loss.” Elli mumbled pointing towards my ear. “Well because of this fight I lost every last thing I had left from Amity. Also it was a pretty unfair fight.” I answered and looked towards Roy. His nose was swollen and taped together and his eyes were swollen red, as if he’d been crying the whole night. He probably did. I couldn’t find it in myself to care and it scared me a little how easy it felt to lose one of my longest friendships. Instead of sulking about our fight yesterday I turned towards the board next to Eric, his smirk as cruel as always. He looked at me and I felt myself smirking back, ready for everything his sadistic mind came up with over night. “Listen up initiates. Today are your last fights, as tomorrow your rankings will be published.” He flipped the board and sure enough the first fight is between me and Peter. “Yes! I’m free today.” Elli cheered and I looked towards Peter, his gaze already on me. Elli’s sudden quietness confused me enough to look back to her. Normally she’d cheer me on, telling me the other is inferior, but now she seemed conflicted, as if she isn’t sure what to think of our fight. Before I could ask her what’s up, Eric yelled for me and Peter to enter the ring. “Oh is the little Pansy Cake scared she’ll loose?” Peter taunted. The name ‘Pansy Cake’ out of his mouth somehow infuriated me. “Don’t call me like that! I won’t be the one loosing!” I answered and he laughed. “Fine I’ll make it fair. You can attack me first how about that?” He dropped his guard and I kicked him in the stomach, not even phased when he grabbed my ankle. “Would you really think I’d be this stupid?” he laughed and I smirked. “Yeah.” I used his grip on my ankle to push myself up, as if I was climbing a tree. With the momentum I gained, I slammed my knee into his chest and the other into his nose, rolling over my shoulder once he dropped me. “You fucking …” He came at me, a crazed glimmer in his eyes. >He’s mad.< A smirk broke out on my face, as I jumped forward and hit his temple with a forceful punch, making him collapse at my feet. “I won.” I huffed and looked down at his body. Slowly but surely the disbelief of everyone around me settled in my stomach. >Did he underestimate me this much?< I wondered, turning to leave. I couldn’t even walk one step away, when a hand grabbed my ankle, pulling me down on the ground, hitting my elbows. “You didn’t think it’d be this easy Pansy Cake.” Peter growled, winding his arms around my ribs and throwing me across the ring. “Please. I was slightly disappointed. I felt offended that Eric and Four gave me such a weak opponent!” I caught out, fuelling the rage in Peter’s eyes. “Oh are you going to cry? Did I hurt your feelings?” I laid a hand over my heart, dodging every attack Peter send my way. I wanted him screaming with rage, throwing everything he had my way and not thinking about anything else than killing me. “Too slow.” I mocked when he once again couldn’t hit me. “Are you even trying? You don’t have to go easy on me.” “SHUT THE FUCK UP! I’ll kill you!” he screamed and I smirked. Finally he’s at the point I wanted him. Pure hot rage, too blind to realize my plan. I backed up, until I was at the outer edge of the fighting ring. Once he tried to hit me, I jumped to the side and around him. Aiming for his back I launched myself at him, locking my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck, successfully locking him in a chokehold. He tried to get me off of him, gripping and yanking my hair, punching my nose until it bled. He even tried getting rid of me by falling over and squishing me underneath his body. But I didn’t let go of him, pressing into his throat until he stopped moving. I didn’t realize I kept on pressing until Eric forced my arms away. “Well done Pansy Cake. You beat him, you don’t need to kill him!” Eric snickered and pushed Peter’s body off of mine. “You and Elli bring him to the infirmary and get them to fix your nose.” As if on cue, a strong taste of copper invaded my mouth. Elli ran to my side and together we dragged Peter through the compound.   
As soon as we entered the medical bay, two nurses rushed towards us, taking Peter with them. Elli and I stood in silence, still stunned by the course of the fight. “That was one intense fight.” I mumbled, breaking the awkward silence. My nose still bled like hell so another nurse came and took care of it. “That looks bad and tomorrow is visiting day.” Elli hissed watching the nurse tape my nose back in place. “When Peter fell on you … did he break anything else?” I had to bite back a laugh. She sounded like a mother hen. “Nothing happened. He squished my boobs but nothing else.” I answered giggling, hissing when the nurse forcefully corrected my nose. “You’re good to go.” She said after securing the tape. I gladly jumped off the medical bed. “Let’s get back. There are plenty of fights left.” Elli exclaimed and we left.   
Once the training was over Elli and I got our last piercings. “Finally done. You don’t know how I hate not being able to sleep on my sides.” Elli growled and my Hand automatically went to my two ear-piercings. “I know what you mean. Those spikes my look badass but they fucking hurt like hell.” I complained while we walked through the compound. “So visiting day tomorrow. Are you nervous?” I asked and we sat down on the edge of the chasm. “A little. My parents weren’t all too happy to see me leave Erudite, but I think my dad knew I would leave.” He sighed and leaned her elbows on her knees, looking rather tired. “What about you? How do you think your parents will react?” Elli asked and I looked down towards the raging water on the chasm floor. “My mom will probably be happy to see me and my dad …. He’ll probably be ecstatic to hear how well I fit in. Amity are very loving, they don’t hate anything or anyone. They want peace. At least that’s what my father taught me. He even encouraged me to choose what I thing would be best for me.” I answered, thinking back to the day before the aptitude test and how he told me not to be scared of change. “Your dad sounds nice. I just hope they won’t be too sad.” Elli sighed, a small hum of approval coming from me.


	18. Chapter 18

The following day already began with a jumpstart as quite a few of us began to happily express their feelings about their parents and ranks. “Can’t they just shut up?” I groggily jawed and sat up to change into some of the new clothes I bought. “I know what you mean, but look at the bright side. Only two more weeks and we get out of this dorm and into our own rooms.” Elli answered her voice muffled by the pillow. “Get up so we can look for our parents. They’ll only stay until lunch.” I mumbled tugging at Elli’s covers. “But I don’t want them to see me like this.” She whined, making me laugh. “Well you’re not the one with a broken nose.” I answered and she looked up. “Fine you win. Let’s get going.” Elli sighed and jumped down the bunk bed.   
“I’m actually really happily nervous right now.” Elli squeaked and wrung her hands in an exited manner. I didn’t exactly know how to feel about all of this. On the one hand I’m ecstatic to see my parents again, but on the other hand I’m scared of what their reaction will be. We went to the platform overlooking the pit. At the bottom was a colourful mix of primarily Blue and White clothing. “I think I see your parents.” Elli told me and pointed towards a bright yellow spot. “Oh no they’re here with Roy’s parents.” I whispered and looked around only to notice him walking towards them with a yellow shirt. “The fuck is he doing in those colours?” a voice next to us growled and I jumped slightly. “Like I said. He still believes in Amity values.” I sighed turning to Eric and seeing him shrug. “He won’t stay after today anyways.” He snorted, quickly slapping a hand over his moth and looking at me. “Oops did I just say that out loud?” His smirk was directed at me, a small challenge to test my devotion. “I know. He’s not cut out for Dauntless. Come Elli let’s go.” I answered, walking with Elli towards the Pit. “See ya then Pansy Cake!” he yelled after me and I rolled my eyes. “What was that?” She asked and I shook my head. “Ignore him. After all he is just a sadistic …” “There are my parents!” Elli interrupted m, pointing towards a group of Erudites. “Sorry but ...” “It’s ok go. I’ll see you later.” I mumbled and wandered off. Now all I had to do was to confront mine.   
It wasn’t hard to spot my father. After all he was big and brightly coloured, but something inside me begged me to stop walking. To just turn and run, for it was easier to hide than to confront those I left. “Alice!” My mother was the first to call out to me and threw her arms around my neck. It felt strange to be hugged after such a long time, where the only thing closest to a hug was when two strangled each other. “Hey there little one.” My dad’s voice sounded like home. Warm and familiar. I only now realized how much I missed to hear it. “Oh my. What did they do to your beautiful hair?” My mother sounded as disgusted as an Amity could. “Actually I did. It was a hazard so I cut it.” I explained, only now fully turning towards my mother, who immediately paled at the sight of my swollen and broken nose. “Why would someone do this? What happened? I don’t understand.” Her hands were all over my face and I desperately tried to pull away. “It was a fight between me and another initiate. Nothing big.” I answered but her frown stayed on her face. I looked towards my father and caught him starring at my tattoo. “It’s beautiful.” He murmured and traced the outlines of the tree. “What are you even wearing? Why don’t you wear more colours like Roy?” I froze at the mentioning of his name and looked in his direction out of the corner of my eyes. A fake smile was carved into his face. He desperately tried to be appealing to his parents, but I know the truth. He wants to play innocent? Fine. I won’t! “That may be because I define myself as being Dauntless instead of trying to get back to Amity!” I snorted, sarcasm dripping off my words. “What are you trying to say?” His mother chimed in, examining me with a weary expression. “Faction before blood is what I’m trying to say. I chose Dauntless and life by their rules and customs. I’m not the one trying to get into Dauntless still clinging on Amity’s values.” My mother took a step back. She seemed shocked by the calmness my voice possessed while I accused Roy. “You know my reasons behind my actions.” Roy growled, his dark expression back on his face and the dangerous glimmer shining in his eyes. “If you’d chosen what you believed would have been best for you. All of this wouldn’t have been happened.” I answered. “Shut up!” He yelled, swinging a punch my way. I easily dodged his attack, gripping his arm and turning it on his back, holding him in place, so that he couldn’t move without hurting him further. “Remember your place Roy!” I hissed in his ear, letting him go and leading my family away from his. “What just happened? I’ve never seen him this angry. It’s like a new person. And when did you become so strong?” My mother didn’t know what to ask first. Her expression shocked and her pupils wide blown. “Everyone changes once they change their faction.” My voice was low. I didn’t want my parents to see me like this but now it happened and it can’t be changed. “I-I’ll be right back. I need a glass of water.” My mother whispered and ran off, leaving me and my father in the middle of the Pit. “Your mother. Always so emotional. How are you feeling? Are you still happy with what you chose?” He asked and I looked up to him. A small smile breaking out on my face. “I’ve never felt more alive. For me Dauntless was the right choice and I would go here again.” I answered and saw the smile of my father widening. “That’s good to hear. I’m glad you found your peace. To be honest from the day you first saw those Dauntless soldiers and started to ask more about this faction ... I knew you’d one day fulfil your long-awaited dream.” He looked at me with pride shining in his eyes and I desperately tried to hold back my tears.


	19. Chapter 19

“So how was the get together with your parents?” Elli asked, once we went back to our dorm. “Good. My parents just slightly think I’m a brutal psychopath. Well, Roy took the crown. He attacked me.” I laughed and Elli momentarily stopped walking. “Well … all I got to tell is that my parents aren’t happy with what I chose and my mom hates you … sorry, she really has something against Amity. But my dad stood up for you.” Elli started to rant about her parents and I had to pull her into me to keep her from crashing into a wall. “It’s ok. Come on let’s get to know if we’re still in.” I chuckled and entered the dorms. “I’m ready!” she jumped next to me and we looked towards the board that still needs to be flipped. Four stood next to it, explaining that the second stage will be weighted more and that we’ll be ranked together with the Dauntless-born. “Come on tell us the rankings.” I growled and Elli shushed me. I let my eyes wander a little and saw Peter intently starring at me. A few red spots showcasing my work. He scrunched his nose up in disgust and slid a finger across his throat. A smirk crossed my face and I proudly showed my piercings. “The ranks!” Elli hissed, hitting my shoulder and ripping my focus away from Peter.   
1\. Edward  
2\. Alice  
3\. Peter  
4\. Elli  
5\. Will  
6\. Christina  
7\. Molly  
8\. Tris  
9\. Drew  
10\. Al  
11\. Roy  
12\. Myra  
13\. Ben  
“You’re second and I’m fourth!” Elli cheered and a massive smile broke out on our faces. “Fuck yeah! We need to celebrate!” I answered, equally exited. We rushed towards our bed to change and I pulled out the clothes I just recently bought. “Holy shit, Alice you look hot. And since when do you have that amazing tattoo?” Elli gasped and I looked down on my clothes. My skirt just barely made it to the lower middle of my thigh, matching it with a tank top and a pair of boots. “Oh I got it when Eric let me go early.” I answered and saw her smirk. “Oh shut up.” I sighed, laughing once she did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life has an amazing way of giving and taking my free time that I honestly think someone doesn't like seeing me work ... well I don't care. I'm sorry for the long wait but my life's been going steadily up and down (maybe a little more down ... but hey it's finally working out again)
> 
> I'll already excuse myself in advance because I don't know how much time I can spend on writing :x (With University starting and my weekends reserved for my boyfriend)  
> But thank you all for still enjoying my story and still waiting for updates. I really wish I could update more often but I have to wait and see how much free time is left after all my chores.
> 
> Anyways I'm so happy you enjoy my writing and I hope I can still entertain you with the rest of the story :D


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